C-Hicaaaaag-O

Abby and her boyfriend Ryan in their apartment.

Me walking on water while an animated tower spits on me.

Abby avoiding the spit skillfully.

Me and Abby with a view of some buildings.

It's about time.

I've regained my freedom and independence. My darling little Intrepid is up and running once again. She just needed a little time to heal after everything I've put her through. Tomorrow at 5 a.m. I get to drive to the airport and fly to CHICAGO! All my ideas are becoming a reality. That fortune cookie knew what it was talking about. I hope there aren't any quail in Chicago. I can handle pigeons, but if I see a quail I'm going to freak out.

It's over.

I just took my last final. Well, I got an A in three of my classes. I don't think I will get an A in physics though. The first half of the class I had a 103% and then I failed the second half of the class and got a C on the final. Oops. I guess that's what I deserve for not going to class, never going to a review, and not even sitting down to talk with a TA even though my very own roommate is one. I'm already signed up to retake Organic Chemistry. History is a wild card. I'm just glad it's over. I like dogs AND cats. The secret's out.

Prom 2002

 
 
 
 

Here are some pictures of Jessica and me getting ready to go to prom. There is also a picture of two people I don't know at prom. I don't even remember taking the picture. It looks like the guy doesn't want me to be taking the picture. That must not be his girlfriend

This video was probably made by a punk. I can tell because of the emphasis put on being an individual and different from everyone else. I don't really think most punks are just "being themselves". They want to fit in with fellow punks just like anyone else wants to fit in with their own groups. Anyway, I like it because it's a nice gesture. He didn't deserve to die.

Punks

I was looking up pictures of Stanley Marsh and I found this one of him and Brian Deneke at Cadillac Ranch. Brian Deneke is a well known name in the Amarillo punk community. He's like a martyr. I was in the eighth grade when one morning I came out of my room and heard my sister crying in the bathroom. I found out later that she was listening to the radio while taking a shower when they announced that Brian had been murdered the previous night. A fight had broken out between some punks and jocks in a parking lot. I think it was a Denny's or Ihop parking lot. From what I remember hearing, Brian was knocked unconscious with a bat and then Dustin Camp, a jock from Amarillo High, ran over Brian with his car. Dustin's famous line before running over Brian was, "I'm a Ninja in my Caddy" referring to the fact that his fighting was best done behind the wheel of his car. What's most sickening about the event was the trial of Dustin Camp. The defense's main case was that Brian Deneke was a menace to society and deserved to die. He tried to make it sound like Dustin did Amarillo a favor by killing Brian. So with no question of the fact that he killed Brian, and with testimony from his friends showing that Dustin intentionally ran him over, he got probation. Dustin Camp intentionally murdered Brian Deneke and got probation. Punk's weren't the only ones outraged. 20/20 did a story on it and came to Amarillo. A lot of people I knew were interviewed for it. I wish I had a recording. oh well. When Dustin got probation I was out eating some pizza with friends as they planned revenge. At first I thought they were just making empty threats, but then I realized some of them were serious. They didn't end up doing it though. I bet they realized that "upstanding young football players" get probation for murder, but punks would be hanged. The years that followed there would be Brian Deneke memorial concerts annualy. I had friends that worked for Stanley Marsh, but the only time I've ever talked to him was at one of these concerts. He was good friends with Brian and said that hearing that Brian had been killed was the saddest day of his life. Brian wasn't a bad kid. He was a punk. He dressed differently and listened to different music. Apparently that made him a menace to society. Apparently he didn't deserve to live. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Luckily Dustin was an idiot. He violated his probation by drinking under-age. He finally went to jail......for drinking beer. Not for murder. For violating his probation.

News Tuff

There's some new stuff going on. My ex-brother-in-law's trial was supposed to be Monday, but luckily he plea bargained, so my little niece didn't have to testify. He ended up getting twenty years with a possibility of parole at ten years. That's pretty good news. In other news, I'm going to Chicago in a couple weeks. I found 50 dollar plane tickets and just couldn't pass up the chance to go visit Abby and see what Chicago is like. It looks like I'll be staying with Abby and her boyfriend while I'm there, but Abby will have to work most days so I'll be flying solo most of the time. I like going off by myself and exploring, so this should be fun. In other other news, Orange day was a lot of fun. The date went well, even though we were kind of rushed to get everything ready for it. Saturday night was the pinnacle of Orange day when Amanda, Cannon, and I got a baseball bat and smashed oranges.

I'm on to you.

I'm on to you life. I know you've been plotting against me. I know you want to destroy me. I bet you thought that I was at the breaking point. You thought just one more disappointment, just one more rejection, just one more well placed dagger would be the final blow. Well you thought wrong you bony pitcher of fickle dust! You underestimated me you amoeba infested maggot spleen, just like too many people have, just like I have! That's right. I'm not giving up! I will not be defeated you crooked concoction of raw old diapers. Your best effort is a raw toothache you mediocre box of stupid lent! I will defeat YOU. YOU will fail. You pushed me too far you dumb vase of stupid pimples. I'm on to you and I'm spreading the word. Soon everyone will know what an unemployed butt full of gross galoshes you are. All I have to say is BRING IT ON! Give me your best shot. I'll take everything you can dish out you fermented flatulence! You egg sucking, blubber loving COMMUNIST! You ugly barrel of satanic advertisements! You unsuccessful old box of silly vulture droppings! You less than pleasant moldy pumpkin! You sub-par fart knocker! You infested pit of blundering ugliness!
You've unleashed your own worst nightmare. I'm coming after you. Prepare for war, buttmunch.

Can't Sleep

Well, here I am at 5:19 am posting on my blog. My mind is racing and I can't stop it from thinking unpleasant thoughts, and lots of them. Other than that, this weekend has been really great. It has probably been the most social weekend I've had in a very long time. Friday night was fun with Amanda, HaaWWwhhhit, Nikki, and Megan after work. I don't know how much detail I'm supposed to give about it, but it was fun. Then Saturday I slept in till ten and then got up and went to the ward BBQ where I ate my little heart out and then played ultimate croquet. I was on Alan's team. We used some pvc pipe as our mallet. Then we came home and set up for the Skittlebrow Jam. Not too many people showed up, but it wasn't meant to be a very large production anyway. Megan and Ashly from our freshman year came. It was great to show them around our apartment and not be ashamed of how it looks/smells. Then after cleaning up after the jam we went to Jenny Lynn's birthday party. I didn't know what to expect since I don't know the girls from that apartment too well, but I was pleasantly surprised. They're awesome. We had one metric ton o' fun. Then we went to five buck pizza to get some "real" food after all that Skittlebrow. After that I went to watch The Hudsucker Proxy with Kate and Jordyn. I love that movie so much that I have never just lent it to someone. I always end up watching it with them instead. It's beauty can be subtle at times, so I like to make sure everyone is paying attention and gets everything they can out of the viewing experience. I wish I could just go to sleep now. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty, forty-one, forty-two.......Counting Sheep isn't helping. Maybe I'll just explore the world of facebook and memorize all the names of my friends' friends.

No Rescue in Sight

Just to clear something up. I don't think not getting the internship makes me a loser. I think I didn't get the internship because I already was a loser. I know some winners, and I'm not one of them. They deserve to be winners though, and I probably deserve to be a loser.

I feel like I spent a long time on a sinking raft in the middle of the ocean. I spent my energy trying to fix the raft and make it to land, but it was futile. The raft finally sank completely and I was left stranded in the middle of the ocean. I was getting tired and swimming was becoming difficult, but I knew a rescue boat was coming so I kept on trying. But when the rescue boat came, it passed me by. It either didn't see me, or didn't think I was worth saving. So, now I'm treading water alone in the ocean. My head sinks under the water occasionally and I have to give a burst of energy to get myself back to the surface. No hope in sight. Nothing to look forward to. Despair.

The internship was my rescue boat. It was going to get me out of Provo where I could heal and regain my strength, but it passed me by. No hope in sight. Nothing to look forward to. Despair.

I know that I'm not the only person who has ever felt this way, but that knowledge doesn't take away any of the pain or make it any easier to swim. Since everyone has felt this way at some time, I expect everyone to know that it's not easy to snap out of it. I am hard on myself because there is no one else to be hard on. There's no one else to blame. It's my fault I ended up alone in the ocean on a raft with no safety gear or provisions. I just need another rescue boat. Maybe my backpacking trip with Braxton will bring me to shore, or maybe something completely unexpected will save me. Please understand that when I call myself a loser and I feel worthless and foolish it's only because I'm not thinking rationally. I've been at sea for a long time and it's hard for someone who is thinking irrationally to have enough rational thoughts to pull himself out of irrationality and back into rationality. Did that make any sense?

Typical

I have nothing. Well, that's not true. I have a blue can of soda that I painted today. I didn't get the internship in Iowa. Simple logic should have told me I wouldn't get it. Losers never get internships. Kyle is a loser. So, Kyle never gets internships. I just don't want to try anymore. Why bother? "If you want a vision of [Kyle's] future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever."(George Orwell, 1984)

Ripples in Time

When Alan picked up that name tag a year and a half ago, I doubt he had any idea how much it would impact our lives. I am now a Facebook friend with the legendary Kiley, the mystery girl, the sister of Chazlyn. For now it seems like this is as far as the name tag will ever take me, but you never know. The name tag is full of surprises. Maybe five years from now I'll find myself parachuting into the Amazon Jungle like Indiana Jones in search of an ancient artifact. And it will all be due to that magical name tag. When I'm 95 and on my death bed, after I've lived an amazing and adventurous life, after I've raised a family and played with my great-grand children, as I am writing down my life story for future posterity, will my memoirs be self-titled or shall they bear the name CHAZLYN?

The Dating Game

A Guy(Kyle) and his Roommate

R: How'd the date go?
G: If it weren't for one little thing I would marry her right now.
R: Wow. It went that well huh?
G: Yeah. She's absolutely gorgeous, fun, and intelligent, but not stuck up or anything. We hit it off great. It's probably the closest thing to love at first sight that I'll ever encounter. One interesting thing is that she couldn't ever remember my name.
R: What?
G: She called me, Lyle, Ryan, Miles, and I swear I think I heard her call me Steve at the end of the night.
R: Steve?
G: Steve. Or at least I think she said Steve. Maybe she said "See ya".
R: "Steve-uh"........"See ya". That's probably it. Man that's too bad. Did you correct her?
G: That's the weird thing. I never wanted to. It was intriguing. She listened to every word I said and seemed to like me, but just didn't know my name. I figured dates with girls who do know my name never turn out well, so I should try going out with a girl that doesn't.
R: So what was that "one thing" that wasn't good?
G: She failed the iceberg test.
R: Oh no
G: Yep. I went on and on about how it's amazing that only 10 percent of an iceberg is visible and the rest is under the water. I even suggested they should make it more public knowledge to prevent boating accidents. She just agreed with me and acted excited. I need a girl who's honest and doesn't just humor me.
R: Man, that sucks. Watcha gonna do?

A Girl and her Roommate

R: So.....How was it....?
G: Well...He was really cool and....I think I might love him, but there was one problem.
R: Wait just a second! Love?!? Tell me everything!
G: He's pretty good looking, and he made me feel great. It just felt right, you know. We just clicked. I've never felt like that before.
R: Congratulations!
G: He went on and on about icebergs. He was so passionate about it. The way he talked about icebergs made me excited about them. Of course I already know that thing about 90 percent of icebergs being under water, but it really is cool. He was excited, so I got excited.
R: So, What was the problem?
G: He failed the name test?
R: The what?
G: Well, I'm looking for a guy who isn't afraid to correct me. Of course, I don't want him to be mean or anything, but I don't want a "whipped" boyfriend. I want an assertive one who's not afraid to be honest. So, I called him by the wrong name all night.
R: You're weird.
G: I know. But he's weirder! He didn't say anything! I called him Lyle and stuff, but he wasn't saying anything, so at the end of the night I called him Steve and he still said nothing!
R: You called him Steve?
G: And he didn't correct me. Who is this guy?
R: What are you going to do if he asks you out again?

Guy and Girl in Unison

GG: I'll try the car door test.

Field House Fun

Gossip abounds in the Smith Field House. Luckily most of my circumstances are unknown to them, but I think lack of knowledge causes all the more gossip. Whenever I turn a corner and see two of my co-workers, I know they're talking about me. It may seem like paranoia, but I know it's true. Catherine has a crush on me, so planning and scheming is going on to hook us up. I know they don't actually think we would be a good couple. Everyone just wants something to do and this is the best idea they've come up with for entertainment. Yesterday I was approached by a girl who said, "You know Catherine is absolutely in love with you, don't you?" If she likes me, it's only because she doesn't know me. She's heard stories about me from other people at work, and thinks I'm mysterious and exciting. I'm not though, and she would realize it pretty quick. I can be a party pooper. I can be boring. There's really nothing mysterious about me at all. I'm just a regular dude with questionable taste in clothing. Maybe I should just come right out and warn her. It feels good to be liked by someone though. I bet if I just started dating her, I'd grow to like her. I'm sure there's more to her than meets the eye. There always is. But, as my feelings for her grew, her feelings for me would diminish. I'd discover that she's a really great girl, and she'd discover that I'm not what she expected. Then, it would be over, and work would be uncomfortable. I have no choice but to begin Operation: Make Kyle Completely Unattractive to Latin Girls.

A Tribute to an Amazing Cat

Some of you may not know, but Casey the Cat passed away some time ago. He's survived by his owner, Alan Broadbent. When you go to my blog you can see Casey's smiling face in the top right corner. Some of us knew him well and some only in passing, but he left a lasting impression in all our hearts. I met Casey during the summer last year. I was having a really hard day and found myself at his house to sleep for the night. When I entered the house Casey stopped, looked at me for a moment, and then walked away as if to say, " Brush yourself off and get on with your life. Tomorrow's another day and 7:00 is another hour. Don't let it go to waste!" This advice has served me well this past week especially. He was so wise, and caring. The last time I saw him was December last year. We had a talk that I'll never forget. I was worried about making some big decisions and I was confused about how to proceed. Casey told me, "I know this may not make you feel better now, but one day you'll understand. Even if your dreams don't come true and all your plans fail, it's only because that which goes beyond your dreams and that which you could have never planned for is waiting around the corner. Chin up! Do what you feel is right regardless of the outcome." I feel like I'm still waiting for the day to come when I understand his thoughtful words completely.

We all love you and miss you Casey. Thank you for being a good friend. No one will ever replace the special place we hold for you in our hearts.

Some This and That

I've played my fair share of truth or dare. I, along with almost everyone else, chose truth most of the time. However, on one occasion I was challenged with the most creative dare of my young life. It wasn't the typical running around in your underwear or kissing a girl in the group. I had to give a hug to Mrs. Wilson! She was my frightening 142-and-1/2-years-old-hunch-backed-third-grade-teacher. It was a great dare, because it lasted long after the game ended. Everyone was waiting for me to do it and when I did there was a huge celebration.

Today I wore my wig to meet Cook and his wife. Alan and I aren't quite sure if they knew it was a wig or not. I think they just thought I had woman hair. We rode in a Mustang convertible. Then Five-Buck-Pizza.

Tomorrow was cool. I went to church and got my home teaching done. Then I had to work on some physics homework. I was a little tired because I stayed up really late tonight. About four hours from now I went to Guitars Unplugged with Skuffs and his homedogs. I was hoping to meet some chicks, but I didn't have much luck. I would say that I have better luck next week, but two weeks from now I was in the same position. pupeirt

As I Await Destiny's Call

I was watching Alan play Zelda this morning. A large part of the game seems to be figuring out what the object of the game really is. If you're not on any particular mission you just walk around trying stuff out. "What'll happen if I pull this, or push this, or jump off this, or set this on fire." That reminds me of my life a little bit. The object of Zelda is to win the game obviously. The main object of life is to be exalted. There's a lot of stuff in between though. There's more to life than just waiting for the Celestial Kingdom train to come pick me up.

I don't plan much and most of the decisions I've made have been pretty random or impulsive. Not all, but most. I'm choosing my own adventure right now. "What'll happen if I go to BYU, major in Molecular Biology, eat some Marshmallow Matey's?" Maybe if I had stayed in Amarillo I would have fallen into drugs, crime and everything else my friends got into. But on the other hand maybe I would have started bringing my friends to church and introducing them to the gospel. Every decision made makes you lose some opportunities and gain some others. It's just important to make good use of your current situation, no matter what it is.

And then there's destiny. When you feel that what you've decided or what has happened is the best possible outcome. I like that feeling. That's when I really get excited.

Cupid's Aim Is Improving

The end of April last year I asked Chelsea out for Valentine's Day this year. It took some convincing, but she reluctantly agreed. After we broke up I was afraid that she'd want to cancel our date, but luckily we got back together and were able to go out for V-Day! Before our religion class Chelsea surprised me with a heart-shaped Five Buck Pizza and a balloon. MMMM Five Buck Pizza. Due to work schedules and homework stuff, we had about a two hour window to go out in the evening. Doug from work recommended a restaurant called La Dolce Vita. They weren't accepting reservations, but we went early enough that it wasn't a problem. I went over to her place at Five. (Well, It was a little after five since I had trouble finding her apartment.) Then, I gave her a card and bear and the Lapis Lazuli bracelet I bought for her while I was in Chile. Chelsea gave me some delicious cheesecake she made, (mmmm.... I still have some in the fridge) and we went to La Dolce Vita. I liked it there, I'd recommend it. Then we bundled up and went to the park to swing, just like last time, but we didn't swing long, because I started to feel sick, and then I had to go to work.

Chelsea is still pretty, really cool, easy to talk to, and fun to hang out with. I must say that I continue to take a shine to her, and fortunately Cupid's aim seems to be improving because I suspect that she might like me too! How great is that!

After the date I went to work and barfed in a trash can while I was cleaning one of the offices. And I've been sick for the past few days, but I'm feeling better now. Chelsea is in Mesa for her brother's wedding. I miss her. :(

Alan, Gavin, Pdub, Whit, and CB are in Buroughs Burros and will be back tonight.

Six Happy Cadavers, All in a Row

A year ago I went to the Anatomy lab with Chelsea and saw a cadaver. Now I find myself cleaning an anatomy lab in the Smith Field House. Six cadavers greet me every night. I usually get stuck with it because everyone else is foreign and has some superstition about being in a room with a dead body. It's gross. I'd go into detail, but I should show at least a little bit of respect to these people who donated their bodies. They didn't do it to gross me out, but to help students learn more about the human body.

I'm sick. I figure it's because I haven't written in my blog for such a long time, and because I've been working myself pretty hard and skipping several meals. Now I'm tired and sick and I want to go to sleep, but I can't because I'm too uncomfortable, so I'm forced to write in my blog. I have no other choice. Much has happened. I've been going to school for a while. Chelsea and I are dating again! It's been a fun couple of weeks, but we both have busy schedules, so we really don't get to see each other that much. So far I'm doing pretty well in all my classes. I still have a 100 in my physics class, and that's after seven homework assignments, seven pre-class quizzes and an exam! Now I'm feeling really tired. I'll try going to bed now. Good Night.

Whatever

"How long ago did you get back from your mission?"
"I got home about two years ago."
"Wow.....you're old."


Whatever

Is that Gavin MacGregor?

Today after CB's basketball game one of the eighth graders from the other team looked up at Gavin and said, "Is that Gavin MacGregor? I named my fantasy basketball team after you!" Gavin's famous. I don't think there is one eighth grader on the planet that knows who I am. Basketball games aren't for me. I don't have the personality for them. Too loud. Too much booing and trash talking. Griggity Griggity Gross. I'd rather be used as hippo bait.

When it snowed recently I was walking home from work. There were footprints all over, but I made sure I walked in the fresh snow. It reminded me of a walk I took last year. It was really late at night and I was out walking by myself. There weren't any cars driving by or people outside. Just snow falling quietly. I walked around for a while without any direction and then started walking towards the temple. My footprints were the only ones in the snow that night. Often I'd look back to see how far my footprints went and then I'd look forward to see the untouched snow. It's about time that pumpkin outside our apartment jumped off the nearest bridge.

Fortune

I saw a hummingbird today. It told me, "Many of your ideas are becoming real." I got the hiccups too. They told me, "Many of your ideas are becoming real."I ate a fortune cookie. It told me, "Many of your ideas are becoming real." Really? huh. I guess that's good news. I passed all my classes; one of them just barely. It's a new year. I'm home sick. Some of my resolutions can't be started until I'm back in Provo. Just a couple more days.

Alanda

These pictures are very disturbing.

The Weekend

I did well on my New Testament Final on Friday. Saturday we didn't end up going to Salt Lake due to the large amount of snow we received. Instead, Braxton and I hung out and did some Christmas shopping and then saw "The Pursuit of Happyness" with Will Smith. It was really good. That night was the concert/party thing at our apartment. I thought a pretty good number of people came. It was fun. Sunday I went to church, did some home teaching and just hung out.

I'm not in a very good mood right now. I woke up at eight and wasn't tired, but It's ten thirty and I'm still in bed. I had a few changes in my policies. I broke up with P-dub. She seems to be okay with it. I also decided to accept the fact that Councilina and Bret are dating, and Alan and Amanda are dating, and they all seem pretty good together. I'm not going to try and break them up any more. What I've done is eliminate the distractions and barriers that I have put up around myself. If I take away the fake relationships and worries about other people's dating lives, it means I have to start worrying about my own. So far, it isn't very fun. I want more distractions. I don't want to think about my life. I just want to ignore it until it finally leaves me alone. Maybe lunch with Braxton will cheer me up today. Bye.

Answer Key

Good job everyone! Next time I'll make the game a little bit more difficult. Just so that there isn't any confusion, here is the official answer key.
1. Chelsea
2. Cannon
3. Pottawattamie
4. Chazlyn
5. Lashley
6. Whit
7. Councilina Bluffs
8. Heather
9. Kyle
10. Alan
11. Amanda
12. Council Bluffs
13. Gavin Pants
14. Big B (Braxton)

Today I'm excited about taking my New Testament final and selling back my freaking Microbial Genetics book. Then tomorrow I'm going to Salt Lake with Braxton and Mary, but we'll be back in time for the Park Place 8 and Devin concert. One last item of business. Cannon has a blog. It's http://www.feasible.blogspot.com .

Windows to the soul.

"These eyes have seen a lot of love, but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you."

--The Guess Who

Do you recognize any of these eyes? See if you can identify their owners. Hint: Most of them belong to members of F6 and R22, but not all of them. Good luck!





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A little too late (Childhood memory)

I kept looking at my watch, wishing time would go by faster. Why did I ever volunteer to be a crossing guard? I remember sitting down in my 5th grade PE class and raising my hand along with a few others. What was I thinking? Well, whatever I was thinking, there I was in a bright orange vest, holding a bright orange flag. Earlier that day Garrett was challenged to a fight. "After school. In the alley". Garrett asked me to be there to back him up. I told him to try and stall since I had crossing guard duty till 3:30.

My reputation as a fighter was pretty good. At one time I would lose control and beat up anyone who got me mad, but prior to this day I changed my ways and developed talents of a different nature. I could talk myself out of any situation. I was willing to fight if it came down to it, but I could usually end a fight before it even started. Garrett's reputation as a tough guy was better than mine. He'd pick fights and make everyone mad, and there I'd be to back him up every time.

Three thirty finally came and I ran back to the school to put my bright orange vest and bright orange flag back into the closet. Trying to get to the school was like a nightmare. The school was close, but it felt like it was miles away. The harder I ran, the further I had to run. I suddenly felt an even more extreme sense of urgency, so I ran to the alley as fast as my 10-year-old legs could go.

I came up to the alley and heard laughing.

"We kicked his *&@#!!!!!"

"Yeah! Did you see his ear turn blue?"

"I bet I broke his ribs!"

"He was crying like a baby!"

I was furious. After screaming a few select words that I no longer feel comfortable saying, I stared them all down. I walked by Andrew, and then Justin, and then Max, and then I approached Micheal. He was the unofficial leader of this group.

"Wow! Do y'all think you're great? Four against one? Is that the only way you could take him?"

That made him mad. He grabbed a hold of my shirt and pushed me against the fence. Then he got in my face. It was on. I was ready to avenge Garrett. I was ready to take on all four of these punks. I was just waiting for young Micheal Delgado to make his move. Andrew spoke up though. "Hey! Kyle's cool. Let him go." Micheal listened. He let go of my shirt and I walked off until I was out of sight, and then I ran to find Garrett to see how he was. On the way to his house I kept repeating. "I was too late. I was too late. I was too late." Why did I volunteer to be a crossing guard?

His ear was blue. One of them kicked him in the head while he was down. Luckily he wasn't seriously hurt though. I felt guilty for a long time. A very long time. Up until a few years ago I would be angry at myself whenever I thought of it. I wasn't there for Garrett. I swore that I wouldn't let a friend down again.

What if I had the power to go back in time and do it again. Should I do anything differently? What if I skipped my crossing guard duty to help Garrett, but some 1st grader got hit by a car. I had to be where I was. At the age of ten I learned the pain of letting someone down, and almost ten years later I learned how to forgive myself. This experience was a turning point in my life.

Love Stats

Warning: Do not read this post unless you truly have nothing better to do. I mean, if you have to write a paper or do some reading for school, do that. If you need to catch up on some correspondence, I recommend you do that before reading my post too. How about your ceiling fan? When was the last time you dusted it? Why don't you take care of that also before saying you have enough time to waste on this post.

I started to think of some things yesterday as a result of my study of statistics and a conversation I had with the great Smith Field House janitor/philosopher Lafe. When you test a hypothesis and decide to reject or accept a hypothesis you either get it right, commit a type I error, or commit a type II error. A type I error is rejecting the null hypothesis when it is actually correct, and a type II error is not rejecting the hypothesis when it is actually incorrect. You can always interpret the stats in such a way that you decrease the chance of committing a type I error, but that always means increasing the chance of committing a type II error, and vice versa. You just have to decide which error has the worst consequences and decrease the probability of making that error. In the justice system the null hypothesis is "The person is innocent". A type I error would be saying a person is guilty when they are actually innocent, and a type II error would be saying a person is innocent when they are really guilty. In this case our government says a type I error is worse. Putting the burden on the prosecution to prove guilt and having well defined laws as to what will and will not be allowed as evidence means that fewer innocent people are found guilty and more guilty people are found "not guilty". That's a trade off that we're willing to accept in this nation.

Now on to the topic of love. The null hypothesis that a person can have is "I'm not in love". After getting to know a member of the opposite sex well, it is common to test to see if this original hypothesis is still true. After the test is made that person can either be right, decide they are not in love when they actually are (type I error), or think they are in love when they actually aren't (type II error). Which error is worse? I asked a number of people and it was interesting to hear their responses. Some people said that a type I error is the most tragic while dating, but that if marriage is a very real possibility, a type II error would have the worst consequences. Others said a type II error is always worse.

I believe that we all define "love" in such a way that we avoid one of these errors while increasing the probability of committing the other. People with a very broad definition of love want to avoid the mistake of not thinking they are in love, only to realize it later, when it might be too late to do anything about it. People with very strict definitions of love want to avoid thinking they are in love, only to later realize that what they felt wasn't love, and have to get out of whatever situation they're in. But, on the other hand people with broad definitions run a higher risk of committing a type II error and those with very strict definitions run a higher risk of committing a type I error.

Let's present these two different types of people with the same difficult situation where they just can't decide if they are in love or not. The person avoiding type I errors will say they are in love, because if they say they are in love, they are either right, or they committed a type II error. That's great. There is no chance that a type I error could be committed. The person avoiding type II errors will say they are not in love, because that way they are either right, or they committed a type I error which they consider to be less severe. No type II error could be committed.

Of course if we think things through, the probability lies in us being correct and not committing any error. I hate to make it sound like we will always be wrong and we must choose which type of mistake we want to make. Okay, that's all. If you followed any of this rambling, congratulations.

Marriage

So, It looks like me and Pottawattomie are engaged! When I heard about Chelsea and Council Bluffs getting engaged, I went into a jealous rage followed by a jealous coma and then jealous rehabilitation. I wanted to go with CB on that honeymoon package! Who does Chelsea think she is swooping in like that and stealing my vacation. ARRRGGHHH. Well I decided to go ahead and get married too so I can go with them on the honeymoon. I chose to marry P-dub for a few reasons.

1. She was online and the most easy to get a hold of.

2. I'm tired of dating.

3. Pottawattomie Vaughn has a nice ring to it.

4. Kyle Vaughn and Sara Riehle score a 94% on the love calculator.

We'll get married whenever Chelsea and CB tie the knot, as long as I make some brownies.

Hide and Seek

Garrett's little brother would always want to hang out with us, so we'd ditch him. It was the same tactic every time. It's amazing that the little kid would never catch on. "OK, let's play hide and seek, Ryan. Count to 60 and then come look for us."By the time he got to 20 we were out the door and on our way to a friends house. I always felt bad about it. I would imagine Ryan looking for a good half hour and then crying another half hour when he realized that we did it again. Poor kid. I told myself that it was Garrett's problem if Ryan cried. Ryan was HIS brother after all. Why should I care? I did though. One time we were ready to do it again. This time Garrett promised we wouldn't leave. Obviously a lie. Ryan looked at me and said, "Kyle, do YOU promise you won't leave?" That statement had a big impact on me. I promised, and when Garrett was ready to go I told him, "not this time. Let's play with him." I can't remember where I ended up hiding, but when he found me, the look on his face was amazing."You didn't leave! You didn't leave!"He was absolutely thrilled. Ryan had a tough life. His parents were divorced. His Mom was nice to us, but never stopped being a hippy. She owned a New Age store, did drugs, and had a new drunken abusive boyfriend every week. His dad also had his own vices( mostly pornography and alcohol) that resulted in a home completely void of that safe feeling a home should provide. After Garrett moved away, I took Ryan under my wing. Eventually I lost contact with the members of that family. Garrett would often tell me, "It's good that we're friends. You keep me from being too bad, and I keep YOU from being too good." We adopted the yin and yang as the symbol of our friendship. One of us was the black with a spot of white, and the other was the white with a spot of black. After graduation we had already been apart a number of years. I left for BYU, and he left for rehab. I don't know what's happened to Ryan. I think he'll be graduating either this year or next year. Wow. I hope things are better for him.

P.S. COUNCIL BLUFFS FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!

My Hunch

I had a hunch, and it was right. www.lovecalculator.com knows its stuff. This is the highest percentage I have ever seen it give.

The Hundredth Post

This is post number 100! It's amazing. I didn't realize that I wrote in this thing so much. I decided to use this mile marker to high-light some of my more memorable posts in the categories of relationships, Route 22, and travel. Enjoy.

Relationships

Tuesday, Jan 31, 2006
"Whenever I consider getting to know a girl better, I remember the time when a girl tore my heart out and covered it in firecrackers, lit it, and threw it into a twenty-gallon drum of gasoline, and then stomped out the flames with size 16 Combat boots."

Tuesday February 16, 2006
"Chelsea is pretty, really cool, easy to talk to, and fun to hang out with. I must say that I took a shine to her, but unfortunately Cupid's arrow didn't so much as nick her. So, there isn't any point in me pursuing anything more than a friendship at this time."

Monday, April 3, 2006
"We also did an anti-snow dance to ward off any evil winter spirits. At the end of the night she agreed to let me be her boyfriend. YIPEE!!! And, I hate to jump to any conclusions, but I think that also means that she's my girlfriend. YIPEE!!!"

Monday, May 8, 2006
"I guess I had a lot of thinking to do Sunday night, because the short walk landed me in American Fork at 4:00 am. I had to take the bus back to Provo. It was a good walk though."

Tuesday, January 31, 2006
"Alan and Councilina
sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
The comes Alan pushing a baby carriage!

Alan and Councilina Bluffs are officially dating."


Friday, March 31, 2006
"Alan and Councilina Bluffs are no longer Alan and Councilina Bluffs. Now they're just Alan........and...........Councilina Bluffs. I didn't cry and I didn't beat anyone up, but I was very unsettled."

Route 22

Monday, January 23, 2006
"On Saturday during my time off I was able to enjoy a thrilling game of Catch Phrase with Alan, Gavin, Councilina Bluffs, Chelsea, Pottowattamie, and Whitney. Fun was had by all. We even found another use for the newspaper ball: You can pass it around and use the words on it to play Catch Phrase.(I can't believe we didn't think of it sooner)."

Sunday, March 26, 2006
"After everyone came back, I couldn't let them see me and I didn't want to be locked in my room all night, so I snuck out the window and walked to route 22 and hung out with Whitney, Pottawattamie, and Matt until the plan came to completion."

Saturday, April 1, 2006
"Route 22 used their girls night out to have a little fun with our apartment. They took all of our right shoes, and stole our doors. There was also a lot of random stuff all over the place.....Do we get mad or do we get even? Well, all I can tell you is that we're not mad."

Sunday, April 16, 2006
"In the afternoon we walked over to Route 22 in response to a dinner invitation. The food was amazing. I'm still craving ham. Frozen burritos just won't be the same for the next few weeks. During dinner we voted on the correct pronunciation of words like crayon, trombone, syrup, Monticello, Camille, and both. "

Sunday, September 24, 2006
"F6 and Route 22 could easily be figments of my imagination. They're all so weird. Real people don't act like we do. Real people don't do the things we do."

Travel

January 18, 2006
Just before Christmas we came home from work and I decided that I wanted to go to Las Vegas. I made reservations at the Sahara and surprised Intrepid in the morning. She was so excited. That's one thing I really love about her. She is always ready to pick up and go somewhere at a moments notice.

Saturday, June 24, 2006
I got back to my car, filled up the radiator, started driving, the car started smoking, I pulled into a Jiffy Lube, they said my radiator hose was cut, they said they couldn't fix it, I asked who could, they said Pep Boys, I said that's who replaced the radiator hoses last week, they said the Pep Boys a couple blocks away should fix it for free then, I went to Pep Boys, they said they couldn't get to it till the next day, I left my car, I called Alan, he tried to call his mom, I started walking towards his house, I bought a non-sweaty shirt at the thrift store, I called Chelsea, she was at the airport, we had a nice chat, Alan called me back, his mom picked me up, she was real nice, I met Alan's dad, he's just like Alan, I slept in Alan's bed, I picked up my car the next day, and I made it back to Phoenix in the early afternoon.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Then he got real close to me and stuck his hand in my side and said, "Give me all your money or I will KILL you."

Sunday, November 19, 2006
I'm back from vacation. For every one's information, I'm doing okay. Being a little crazy is what keeps me from going insane. I ended up meeting my replacement here in the morning and we drove up to Saint George together. Jack in the Box was good.

A lot has happened this year. Some of it has been recorded in this blog, but not nearly enough of it. I'm very curious to discover what happens in the next hundred posts.

There has been one good football game

The football game was amazing! I've never witnessed anything so intense. I can't believe that I enjoyed it. Football is supposed to be boring.

Today has been really relaxed. I enjoyed teaching Sunday School today. That's another thing I shouldn't enjoy. I have to actually prepare lessons and stand up in front of everybody and try to teach or lead some form of discussion. That's work. I'm lazy. I don't get it. The best explanation I can come up with is that I actually do enjoy work, but I can't take any kind of grading. In school I could work hard on a presentation and then get a bad grade. I am therefore a failure. Church is great though. It doesn't matter how good or how bad you are; at the end of the lesson you get the same people who simply say, "Good lesson." It feels great. Even if people are judging my teaching abilities and spend all day talking about what a horrible teacher I am, I don't know about it, so I don't care. I still get nervous, but I feel great at the same time. I just want to thank everyone who says I did a good job teaching. Thanks to those who mean it and thanks to those who are just saying it to be polite. You're all appreciated. Keep up the good work.

Thanksgiving Break

So far so good.

I met Mama Bluffs!

She's a really cool mom. It was kind of mysterious since no one had met her before. I was afraid that she would be this scary dictatorial woman who ruled the Bluffs family with an iron fist and had no interest in knowing their friends. Boy were my fears unwarranted. She's really friendly and seemed excited to meet all of us non-Bluffs. She likes to take pictures and keep track of all the cute things her kids do. She even wrote down all the nick names we've given them. Some of her hobbies include making crafts and scrap booking.

Whit and I were honorary members of the Bluffs family!

We drove up to somewhere past Ogden so that we could have thanksgiving dinner in a chapel there. The drive was fun. Good music was played. Bad music was played. Ok music was played. We covered the spectrum. While waiting for dinner I threw around the football with the girls while the other guys played basketball. I'm not very competitive and I could tell that the basketball players were. Council Bluffs broke his foot off during the game, but he's tough so we just stuck it back on and now he just has a swollen ankle. Then we played some football. Then we ate a delicious turkey dinner. Then we went to a house and ate pie. Then we watched Mission Impossible III. Then we drove back to Provo. Then we watched The da Vinci Code while some people played risk. Then I went home and fell asleep.

I worked a lot.

Wednesday I put in 8 hours at the lab, worked 5 hours at the Smith Field house, and labored 3 hours at the Marriott Center cleaning up after the game. Friday I didn't have to go to the lab, but I worked the same shifts at the Field house and Marriott Center.

I fell in love with an Arabian princess.

Obviously a big fat lie.

My Room, My Refuge

This is my room. Well, actually it's my side of a room of which I am a co-owner. I like it in my room. Not many people have been in my room (mostly just my roommates), so I thought I'd give everyone a short tour. This is my desk. I get most of my stuff done here. If we've ever chatted online, I was most likely sitting right here. Some key features are my computer, my Gremlins poster, and my junk.
This is the shelf we had installed right in the middle of the room. I use it to put stuff on. You'll notice pictures of me and Jenny, a yellow furby key chain, clocks, and other stuff.
And this is my cork board. It houses my assignment tracker, the names of the guys and gals that I home teach. A small piece of note card that says "CPM" in bubble letters, and an index card with a few things that I mustn't forget. To the right of my cork board you'll see "El Bruto" and "Senor Skateboard". As far as I know, a girl has never set foot in this room. When I lived on Kingsbury street back in Amarillo, Texas there was only one time that a girl other than a relative entered my room. I was gone doing something and the Young Women in the ward invited themselves in and "decorated" it. I felt like my sanctuary had been violated. I got over it though.

Harmony

WARNING: This post contains an attempt to discuss things that are going on inside my head to a general audience that is either not aware of my current circumstances or not interested in the details. It's probably confusing. Reader discression is advised.

I am divided into three parts. One part deals with emotions and feeling. He is responsible for my desires, my passion, my love, my disappointment, my discouragement, my sadness. He worries about things being right or wrong(moral or immoral).The second part of me is all about logic. He only cares about probabilities, patterns, and trends. He worries about things being right or wrong(correct or incorrect). His intentions are very good. He wants to keep the three of us safe. The third is the one that people see. People get to know the third. He's the one that governs. He listens to the first two and makes the decision of how to act/what to do. When I say the word "I" or "me" I am referring to all three, but the third is the one speaking for the other two. For too long now, the three have been fighting. The first will feel something and request that action be taken. The second will point out possible undesired consequences of taking any action. And the third will usually pick a side. Then it can get ugly. If one is ignored too often they can cause a lot of problems until they finally get recognized again. The third isn't nice to the other two. He's been know to say things like, "That's so stupid!", "Why did you do that?", "What were you thinking?", "Idiot!", "Fool!".

It has been easy for me to be understanding and patient with other people, but hard for me to treat myself the same way. I'm learning to work better though. It's never wrong to feel how I feel. I need to pay more attention to it. The more I suppress and ignore my feelings, the less passion I have for life, and the less creativity I possess. No longer will the third say to the first, "You shouldn't feel that way. It's stupid. I'm only listening to Logic from now on." How I feel is important. All three can begin to work together. Recently the first two were fighting. The first brought a feeling to the attention of the third and the second was quick to point out the trend of what happens when this feeling surfaces. The pattern pointed out by the second was very convincing, but the newly enlightened third came up with a brilliant idea that allowed the first to continue feeling what it was feeling while avoiding the pattern pointed out by the second. I'm so much better off because of it. I'm nicer to myself. I'm not as judgemental. When I do poorly on an exam I won't yell at logic for not being smarter, and when I'm discouraged or heartbroken, I won't blame it on the foolishness of acting on my feelings. I can act on my feelings and be logical. They can coexist.

Tired yet rejuvinated.

WARNING: This post is long and is not for the very busy. It is recommended that the very busy skip to the pictures.

I'm back from vacation. For every one's information, I'm doing okay. Being a little crazy is what keeps me from going insane. I ended up meeting my replacement here in the morning and we drove up to Saint George together. Jack in the Box was good. Then we drove around lost for a while as we tried to find a place to set up camp. Due to a wrong turn we ended up in Arizona. I took one of those exits that says "NO SERVICES" and followed a dirt road into the desert. Then I pulled off the road and we set up the tent. Once the sun went down it got cold. Real cold. The trip was nice. My replacement and I really got to know each other better. We dug down deep into our souls asking questions about what really is important to us, and what assumptions about life we have made. I also called Abby, because it was a little creepy and I wanted some contact with civilization. We talked for a good hour and a half. She has a new boyfriend and a new job in Chicago. It's helpful to get her perspective on things. It's nice to know that many of the problems I face aren't unique to me or to BYU or to Mormons. They're universal.

We woke up and had an early morning devotional of sorts. And then we just talked and read. Then something clicked. I had one of those epiphany things. Then I had the impression that my trip had served it's purpose, so I needed to go home. I packed up the tent, put everything in the car, got in the car, turned the key, and nothing. The car was dead. I tried again and again. It would just crank, but never turn over. This turned out to be an amazing blessing. Part of what I learned in my conversations with my replacement is that I'm too independent. I've always considered that to be a strength, but it's not in my case. I need to learn to rely on others and ask for help when I need it. It's no just that I try to be independent from my parents and things, it goes much deeper. I don't even ask God for help. I'll ask for guidance and forgiveness, but I try to do everything else on my own. That's not independence. It's pride. It's stupidity. It's like I'm trying to fool myself into thinking I can make it through mortality with just the bare minimum of divine aid. I need all the help I can get, and I shouldn't let my pride get in the way. So, my car was dead. The normal Kyle would have grabbed his bottle of water and started walking through the desert until he reached civilization so that he could find a tow truck to retrieve his car and bring it to get repaired. I did something different though. I prayed and asked for help. I'm sure it seems like the logical thing to do for everyone else, but it's something very new to me. I just don't ask for help. After the prayer, I popped the hood, jiggled every wire and thingamajig that could be jiggled, got in the car, caressed the steering wheel lovingly turned the key and BAM it turned over. I made it out of the desert of Arizona and all the way home. It was amazing to have the chance to put into practice what I had learned.

Okay, for those of you who skipped most of the post because it's too long... Here are some pictures!

Here's my replacement driving very carefully on the way to Saint George.

Me standing by the tent. I still remember some of what Boy Scouts taught me.

Here I am outside while we were star gazing. It was a great night for it.This is my replacement. He looks a little cold....And Arabic.This is me sleeping like a little angel.

Last Day

It's been fun being Kyle, but all good things must come to an end. I want to thank everyone for accepting me and treating me just like one of the gang. Maybe I'll come back and visit from time to time. It was warm today, so I'm hoping that its warm tomorrow, but AmAndA and AlAn tell me that a warm day usually means snow is on its way. Now that I finished everything Kyle had to do, I don't have anything to keep myself entertained. I played solitaire. I won. Yippee. Now I'm just trying to find an activity to burn my time until I go to work. After work I don't know what I'll do. I could do some deep cleaning in Kyle's room. That would be lame. This is my last day here. I should be SWINGING!

Today in History I learned that you can't spell Umar Uthman without Uma Thurman.

It Ain't Easy

Okay, so I thought that since I've been working so hard, I must have Kyle caught up till January, but no. It turns out I'm barely treading water. How does he do it? How does anyone do it? SO much work. I'm glad that I only have to be Kyle for two more days. Saturday I'm going to meet up with him in St. George. We're going to get some Jack in the Box tacos and then go camping somewhere. We might have a tent if I can take this one that's been sitting in Kyle's apartment forever. If the weather is nice enough down there, we won't even need a tent. I got a haircut yesterday, and I suggested that Kyle do the same. He's starting to look like a hippy. He'll be back Sunday night or Monday afternoon depending on his desires to skip his classes. Well, no rest for the weary. I better get back to work. Bye.

Greetings

Hello all! This is Kyle's replacement. You can call me Kyle. Kyle has begun his vacation, but I talked to him a little bit last night and he says he doesn't feel like his vacation has started yet. I understand. He has a lot on his mind. It will take a while to just sit back and relax. Plus, from my experience, vacations can be more stressful than the stress we mean to avoid by taking the vacation. I don't know how long he'll be gone, but I'm happy to be here, so however long it is, it's fine with me.

Yesterday was my first day as Kyle. It went okay, I went to most of his classes. I skipped history, but I figure it's okay since he never went anyway. I finished his homework for Molecular Biology Reading Series (boring). No offense Kyle, but I can't think of a more boring major that you could have chosen. Maybe if "History of Dog Food" were a major, it would be more boring. I also, wrote his New Testament paper that's due this week. Apparently he put it off all semester. Sheesh, what a procrastinator. Then I went to work and everything went smoothly there. You better look out Kyle, I might end up running your life better than YOU! Or, on the other hand, I may ruin your life rather than run it. Just kidding, Kyle. Sip some lemonade and kick your feet up. No worries. I'll keep everything under control for ya. That reminds me, I better get started on the rest of the stuff you've been putting off since who knows when.

Vacation!

Yesterday was pretty tough on so many different levels. At least the day ended well, with throwing pumpkins off a bridge. It made me decide to take a vacation. I can't get behind in my school work or get off at the Smith Field house, so I'm going to have someone take my place. He looks just like me and we act very similarly (No, it isn't Alan). While I'm getting some much needed rest, he'll be taking care of business here in Provo. Hopefully by the time I get back I will have found a way to get off the see-saw. Alan's and my future happiness depends on it. Good bye everyone! I'll see you when I get back!

Studs

Busy week. I just want to take this time to acknowledge the studity of my apartment. Last Saturday we all had dates, and this weekend many of us have dates. I'm not included in that "many", but I am included in the "all" that went on dates last week. Lafe from work set me up on a blind date with a girl in his ward. We made and ate Taco Salad at Lafe's house. It was weird to be in a home. A real home with parents and teenagers and stuff. That was my first experience in a Provo home. It was scary. After eating we went bowling at the Wilkinson Student Center. I saw Heather there. That was cool. I beat everyone in bowling. That's right. I rock. I'm the best. Bow down to the lord of all that is bowling. Well, I won, but my score was only 116. None of us were experienced bowlers. Then we went and got ice cream because I like ice cream and I don't care who knows it. This week was another hectic week. I thought it was over now, but it's not. I forgot that I'm teaching Sunday School. My parents are going to be here tomorrow. That's exciting too. I get to show them my turf. My stomping grounds. Introduce them to my peeps, my homies, my allies. Yeah, I'll just post some pictures and call it a night.

Am I weird?

Today a girl asked me if I was pre-med. When I said no she responded with, "Oh, so you're just going to Graduate school then." When I said no again she asked with a puzzled look on her face, "Then what are you going to do with your degree?!?" I'll do what I want with it! Maybe I'll use it as scratch paper or carry it around like a hanky and blow my nose into it! I'm sorry if getting a bachelor's degree isn't good enough for you. Am I the only person in the world that's anxious to be done with school? I've been going to school since I was five. That's long enough. It's not like going to school puts off anything. Right now I work AND go to school. When I'm done with school, I'll just have work! A huge chunk of my time will be restored to me. At school you have five or six bosses that never coordinate and demand ridiculous amounts of work from you. It's not like that in any job I've had before. One supervisor. One person to please. That's the life. My Professor in the Lab! My teachers! My boss at work! Cleaning inspections at home! There's no escape! Too much grading! Too much judging!

I was frustrated when I got home, so I move the refrigerator and noticed that there wasn't linoleum underneath it. Oh wait....There was linoleum underneath it, just hidden under years of grime. I got to cleaning. I felt good. Something accomplished. No one told me to do it, so no one has the right to say I did a bad job.