Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Large Hobo

Alan owes me a new pair of pants, because a receipt of his made me wet mine. What is a large hobo? I found this image online. It's only one number off the number on his receipt. Hmmm...Sinister. His hobo must have been one of another color. 

After further investigation, I discovered that this must be the large hobo he was talking about. That thing will pay for itself in no time at all. 

Tip of the Day - Teamwork

Teamwork is the art of making people do things for you and making them feel guilty if they don't. I'm not a fan of teamwork because I'm usually the one who is teamworked and not the one teamworking. If anyone ever approaches you with a proposition of teamwork you need to ask them a question followed by a rĂ©pondre toujours The question is, Whose team? No matter what answer they give, tell them to take their communist propaganda and socioeconomize it with their communal hammer and sickle.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Bear Grylls, Expensive Cars, etc...

Tonight will be a relaxing evening at home with my wife. Becca isn't feeling well, so rest and plenty of fluids will be our nightlife. She's sitting right next to me reading a book about Bear Grylls that I gave her for her Birthday last year. Becca, what's your favorite thing about Bear Grylls? "He has a nephew named Mungo". I think her true favorite thing is the way he drinks his own urine, or compares the color of his urine to the color of his friend's urine. Tonight we also need to clean the house so that Christy never knows how messy our apartment usually is. In it's current state I doubt that Bear Grylls himself could make it from the door to the kitchen. And if he did, he'd have to drink his own urine on the way. 

I'm introducing a new feature on my blog. It's the Tip of the Day. The Tip of the Day doesn't represent the views or opinions of this blogger or his followers. It's meant to be either satirical, sarcastic, silly, or just plain stupid. I love playing devil's advocate. I'd make it a career, but the devil doesn't offer a good 401K. And he doesn't have any scruples. I just can't respect an unholy demon bent on the destruction and captivity of our souls that doesn't have any scruples. 

Tip of the Day - Family Finance
The only way to have enough money to pay for your children's college education is to not have any kids. Is this extreme? Maybe it's possible to do it by just having one less kid. First, decide how many children you want and then have one less. Let's say that number is four for the sake of this tip. It costs about 736,000 dollars to raise four children in a middle class home in the United Stated. If you only have three, you save 184,000 dollars! That leaves you with more than 60,000 dollars per kid. That will pay for a top of the line education. If you're really good at family finance, you won't have a family at all. With that 736,000 dollar "no kid bonus", you could buy this LeBlanc Mirabeau and enough gas to run it for twenty years.

It's a two-seater, which is great. Enough room for you and your groceries on your way back to your lonely apartment so you can eat two and a half bags of Doritos and then lick the processed cheese powder off your fingers while watching Cheaper by the Dozen. 

Thursday, September 04, 2008


I spy with my little telescopic spy mirror...something....Bungee-y!!!!!!

I spy with my little telescopic spy mirror...something....Camera-y!!!!!!

I spy with my little telescopic spy mirror...something....Bird-y!!!!!!

I spy with my little telescopic spy mirror...something....Creep-y!!!!!!

Tied for first place in the greatest sister-in-law competition is Katy Anderson. She gave me a telescopic spy mirror and some bungee cords. Eternal gold medalist in the greatest wife competition, Becca Vaughn, has a great eye for things that I will think are the cat's meow. You should see the cuff links she got me. Yowsers! They rock. She is back in school and loving every minute of it. I'm excited to vicariously learn some Welsh through her. Here is an acrostic describing my adorable wife.

Bear Grylls Enthusiast
Capri Sun

All That and a Bag of Chips
Uber Classy
Heart of Gold
Norse God of Wisdom...Pretty much
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