Tuesday, February 24, 2009

2.5 Things about me.

1. I have never read any one's "25 things about me" list.

2. It's only because no one has ever tagged me in one.

3. People think I'm not cool enough. Well, everyone will feel pretty foolish on March 4, 2010 when I...

I hope you enjoyed my 2.5 things. If you would like to subscribe to my newsletter "Things about Kyle : Short Lists for the Listless" please tell me a way that I could make money by getting subscribers to a newsletter and what I should include in such a newsletter.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Valentine's Day

Wow, I can't believe I have been blogging long enough for this to be my 4th Valentine's Day post. This time I got to spend it with my wife. We had a very cultural day. When I say cultural, I mean we got to explore a culture that neither of us was very familiar with. It's a culture of tattoos on men, women, and children. It's a culture of cigarette smoke, beer, and saturated fat. It's a culture of dirt, exhaust, and deafening noise. It's the culture of Monster Trucks. We were very moved by the experience. I think I cried a little.

There's this girl I know who's really awesome. If it weren't for her I would probably never do anything. I would just sit and stare at a wall until the second coming, or a Charles in Charge reunion movie. She's an amazing friend to me and a lot of other people. More importantly, she's an amazing enemy to all of my enemies. (That's right Calista Flockhart, you'd better watch your back) People can count on her. I've only known her for a little over two years, but it's hard to believe that anything existed before her. I love to see her laugh. I wish I could record a video of her laughing, put it on repeat, and play it on some futuristic contact lenses all day, and when anyone asked me why I was so happy to see them, I'd simply reply, "It has nothing to do with you, someone else is making me happy". This girl managed to take the ashes of my self-esteem, reconstitute them into living matter, piece together the broken fragments, smooth all the rough edges, and shine it up like a brand spankin' new monster truck. Plus, as time goes on, and life gets to me, she's always there to apply a new coat of wax. She puts up with my ridiculous metaphors and similes like a hyrax puts up with its closest living relative, the elephant. Her initials were RKA, but now they're RKV. She got married around the same time I did. Her husband is an okay guy, but I like being around him a lot more when she's there. I love her.

Wow I'm starving and need to eat something STAT. By the way, just to remove doubt from anyone's mind, I was talking about Becca.

Thursday, February 05, 2009


Here is an English phrase.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Here is the same phrase translated to Korean and back into English.
How many which lick where does many this it; In order to get in the justice center has and goes; Tootsie lists Pop?

Here is the resulting phrase run though the translation a second time.
Do many this in it where, how many which licks probably is many; Is having and that gets from the process center, goes; Do Tootsie rosters break?

A third time.
The many thing stamp how many is many, is many and probably and this from it which licks in the place; Is having and it goes and from the processing center, gets; Do Tootsie rosters cut off?

Lost in Translation - A poem by Kyle

For which thing which lick to be many,
from place how many is many,
and is, the thing stamp which is many,
the many thing and probably and is this from it;
Is having and it gets
and from the processing center, goes;
Tootsie rosters which are intercepted?

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Critical Thinking Exercise 1

In school, teachers would assign the exercises at the end of the chapters. I always loved to hear the words, "Go ahead and skip the critical thinking exercises." Now I want to go back and complete the exercises I skipped; starting with elementary school.

Directions: For each number, explain what the words have in common.

1. California, New York, Mississippi
Nothing. They're not even in the same state. duh...

2. Pizza, French fries, Cheeseburger
They all played a part in killing John Candy.

3. Rose, Daffodil, Carnation
Girls who would have dumped me had I dated them.

4. Washington, Lincoln, Clinton
The -un sound.

5. Red, Blue, Purple
The personality types of my closest friends, and the color purple.

6. Radio, Telephone, CD player
Things I could steal and sell at Jumping Jack Cash pawn shop.

7. Milk, Juice, Soda pop
Things that should only be mixed and consumed when in desperate need of getting a girl's attention in the lunch room.

8. Basketball, Football, Soccer
Things I've always been ashamed of not being good at, but that I am still forced to do in school. The principal causes of embarrassment, trauma, and depression.

9. Newspaper, Book, Magazine
Things that are inferior to Wikipedia, no matter what every BYU english teacher says.

10. Cow, Pig, Horse
Lieutenants in His Majesty's Royal Navy