Friday, December 21, 2007

My Fate is Sealed

I don't have to worry about anything anymore. Everything is out of my hands. I'm out of the frying pan and into the fire. Catch 22. Ipso facto. So many wonderful things are happening that to enumerate them would leave you out of breath and out of numbers. I'll do my best to hit a few of the highlights.

Christmas was great. Becca and I managed to get a time machine off of ebay for 20 bucks. We used it to go back in time to November 21, 1963 to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy, but it was no use because the next day some guy named Lee Harvey Oswald shot him anyway. How lame. We decided that changing history wasn't for us, and we weren't even all that good at it. Since we were anxious for Christmas to come and we had a time machine, we made it Christmas! It was really nice and I got a really cool watch from Becca, the most beautirific girl this side of pluto, and the other side of pluto as a matter of fact. The watch is comfortable, cool, and the colors go well with everything I own. As for the time machine, I sent it to myself 20 years from now. Since I haven't come back to give myself warnigs of what is to come, I assume I'm severly overweight, bald, and ill-tempered. I'm just too ashamed to see myself, so instead, I'm in the future eating a sphere of pringles and watching episodes of Seinfeld on my XDTV.

Finals ate my whole head as usual. I fully expect to fail at least one class. That means another year at BYU. Oh well, at least Becca will be going to school with me. I'll need the moral support to keep from dropping out of school and going door to door selling knife sharpener sharpeners. 'Cause when you think about it, what are you supposed to do when your knife sharpener gets dull? Speaking of Becca, she's the best. I can't believe we've been dating 4 months in a row! That's a huge deal for me. I am very pleased with the way things are going.

I'm doing laundry now, then I'll pack, but first I'll go to five buck pizza, and last I'll read some Harry Potter and go to bed. Then, tomorrow I'll fight my way through the holiday traffic to Amarillo. The trick is to pick the biggest guy in line and tell him that his government is a less than pleasant drawer of used tissues. Then when he takes a swing at you, duck. He'll hit the old lady in line behind you and then the skateboard punks will jump in. During the chaos you make your move to the front of the line where you take off your coat and put on sunglasses so that no one is the wiser.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Update to the Third Degree

First Degree
Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I want is to not be awake. The second thing I want is to be asleep. The third thing I want is for the first two wants to be realized. Usually the debate can last along time, resulting in skipping my morning shower and breakfast in exchange for an early afternoon shower and brunch. Today I had to break my routine a bit due to the impatient knocking on the front door. Low and behold, it was the manager requesting my assistance in the removal of our old couches. I was in a good mood for some odd reason, so I helped him. Usually I would be in a horrible foul mood because I had to do something that required spending more than 12 seconds with the manager. After 1 second with the manager my eye starts to twitch. After 2 seconds I explode. After 5 seconds my anger begins to condense. After 10 seconds my anger forms a super condensed black hole from which not even light can escape. After 12 seconds, oddly enough, dinosaurs somewhere in another solar system go extinct. Today was different though. It wasn't that bad. My irrational anger has begun to subside a bit. And hey, we got two new couches, two new end tables, a new coffee table, and two new lamps.

Second Degree
I'm stressed out about school and stuff, but that's just the status quo. Nothing new. I can't wait for my fate to be sealed. If I fail my classes, at least THIS semester will be over and I can relax over the Christmas break. For Christmas I'm flying to Texas where I'll see my family, and friends like Braxton and Mary! Then after Christmas I'll drive up to Phoenix with my Mom and Dad. Then Bright-eyed Becca will be flying to Phoenix! We'll probably go to Tucson for Alan's birthday, and then sometime we'll drive back with Alan to Provo. Maybe we can even fit in a round of miniature golf or go-carts in there somewhere. So many things to look forward to!

Third Degree
I can feel myself getting sick. My throat is tender and I'm getting the achy feeling I have whenever I get a fever. I'm taking a class on infection and immunity, so I should be able to diagnose/cure myself. Maybe that's what the final exam will be. Maybe yesterday they infected us with a malignant virus and the final will be one question....
1. Are you Sick?
a. Yes, and it sucks.
b. No, I cured myself a couple of days ago.
c. No, I cured all disease and was never even infected.
d. Yes, but it's due to a new disease I invented for the Government.