Sunday, November 19, 2006

Tired yet rejuvinated.

WARNING: This post is long and is not for the very busy. It is recommended that the very busy skip to the pictures.

I'm back from vacation. For every one's information, I'm doing okay. Being a little crazy is what keeps me from going insane. I ended up meeting my replacement here in the morning and we drove up to Saint George together. Jack in the Box was good. Then we drove around lost for a while as we tried to find a place to set up camp. Due to a wrong turn we ended up in Arizona. I took one of those exits that says "NO SERVICES" and followed a dirt road into the desert. Then I pulled off the road and we set up the tent. Once the sun went down it got cold. Real cold. The trip was nice. My replacement and I really got to know each other better. We dug down deep into our souls asking questions about what really is important to us, and what assumptions about life we have made. I also called Abby, because it was a little creepy and I wanted some contact with civilization. We talked for a good hour and a half. She has a new boyfriend and a new job in Chicago. It's helpful to get her perspective on things. It's nice to know that many of the problems I face aren't unique to me or to BYU or to Mormons. They're universal.

We woke up and had an early morning devotional of sorts. And then we just talked and read. Then something clicked. I had one of those epiphany things. Then I had the impression that my trip had served it's purpose, so I needed to go home. I packed up the tent, put everything in the car, got in the car, turned the key, and nothing. The car was dead. I tried again and again. It would just crank, but never turn over. This turned out to be an amazing blessing. Part of what I learned in my conversations with my replacement is that I'm too independent. I've always considered that to be a strength, but it's not in my case. I need to learn to rely on others and ask for help when I need it. It's no just that I try to be independent from my parents and things, it goes much deeper. I don't even ask God for help. I'll ask for guidance and forgiveness, but I try to do everything else on my own. That's not independence. It's pride. It's stupidity. It's like I'm trying to fool myself into thinking I can make it through mortality with just the bare minimum of divine aid. I need all the help I can get, and I shouldn't let my pride get in the way. So, my car was dead. The normal Kyle would have grabbed his bottle of water and started walking through the desert until he reached civilization so that he could find a tow truck to retrieve his car and bring it to get repaired. I did something different though. I prayed and asked for help. I'm sure it seems like the logical thing to do for everyone else, but it's something very new to me. I just don't ask for help. After the prayer, I popped the hood, jiggled every wire and thingamajig that could be jiggled, got in the car, caressed the steering wheel lovingly turned the key and BAM it turned over. I made it out of the desert of Arizona and all the way home. It was amazing to have the chance to put into practice what I had learned.

Okay, for those of you who skipped most of the post because it's too long... Here are some pictures!

Here's my replacement driving very carefully on the way to Saint George.

Me standing by the tent. I still remember some of what Boy Scouts taught me.

Here I am outside while we were star gazing. It was a great night for it.This is my replacement. He looks a little cold....And Arabic.This is me sleeping like a little angel.


Lillian said...

D'you know... I'm always surprised with myself when I'm upset and frustrated and have no idea what to do and then suddenly a little light clicks on and I think PRAYER! I have no idea how it happens, because mostly it doesn't happen, but when it does I'm very grateful. So good for you! We can all be a part of the PRAYER! family.

Becca said...

I always thought you were SO HOT in that last sleeping picture.