Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A great man.

The main reason I don't like zombie movies is all the gore. Especially the Al Gore.

What do you call it when Al Gore dances?.......... Algorithm (Al Gore Rhythm)

What do you call a fear of being in open spaces with Al Gore?.........Algoraphobia

Those are some of my Al Gore jokes. I just felt like they should be published for posterity's sake.

We just went and saw the new Night at the Museum movie at the dollar theater. It was surprisingly awesome. You know when something is funny, but then it goes on too long and it's not funny anymore, but then it keeps going and it's funny again, and then at the end of the movie they do the same gag again, but with Hank Azaria, and it starts to get old, but then it's over and you wish it didn't stop? That happened. Minds were blown.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Home Alone - Day 8 - Ambiguity

It's been over a week now and I think I've been holding up just fine.

Sockman's so silly. We don't even have the same prescription. Psh.

At work we've been having problems with the ambiguity of the english language. The particular problem we face is the term "biweekly". My good friends Merriam and Webster can't seem to agree on the subject. Merriam says that it means occurring twice a week, and Webster says it means occurring every two weeks. Come on Merriam-Webster! You're supposed to be a united front! Can context clues help us decide which definition someone is using? Let's see.

"Okay, listen up, it's extremely important that you take this medication biweekly. No more and no less."
"You have a choice of weekly beatings or biweekly beatings, which do you want?

What gives?! We have to do something about this. I have always believed biweekly to mean every two weeks, but when that assumption was challenged and Merriam-Webster let me down, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE! Here are our options.

1. Use the terms twice weekly, and every two weeks exclusively
2. Use biweekly to mean twice a week and use fortnightly to mean every two weeks
3. Use the terms biweekly, homoweekly, and heteroweekly in whatever way we see fit
4. Use either 26 or 104 times yearly.

Whatever we do, we need a consensus!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Home Alone - Day 3 - Itchin' for the Kitchen

After getting the oil changed today I took a drive to my neighborhood Savers where I became the proud owner/operator of four small mugs. I took them home and made some mug cakes (Fig 1), but when I made a phone call to have someone come help me eat them, I got an answering machine. That made me sad (Fig 1).

Then I realized that reducing the number of consumers reduces the scarcity and to my joy I discovered that while the law of diminishing marginal returns applies to 5 Buck Pizza, it does not apply to mug cakes (Fig 2)

I had leftover batter, so I put it in some random container and baked it. I didn't grease the container and when I tried to remove the delicious cake, it crumbled into a huge mess. I'm sure I'm not the only victim of crumbly cake. Here's what you do when that happens. Take the part of the cake that didn't crumble and go ahead and rip it apart until you have pile of crumbs. Then smash them all into a heart shaped cookie cutter. Add heart shaped sprinkles and drizzle on some chocolate sauce. Then present it to your sweetheart. If your sweetheart happens to be in California, then blog about it and let her know how delicious it was after you ate it instead. This is for you Becca! (Fig. 3) It was really good!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Home Alone - Day 2

Monday night I got back from L.A. It was a lot of fun. I can't even begin to give an account of everything we did. Things that come immediately to mind are, going to the beach and playing in the waves, eating corn, staying in a really nice hotel with delicious breakfasts, a ton of meat cooked just the way I like it at Uncle David's, and an easy and painless trip home. Becca is still in California and will be there for quite a while. I don't know how long. I guess she'll call me so I can pick her up from the airport. I'll try to keep an account of what I'm doing to keep my sanity while she's away.

Yesterday I went to work, hung out at DI, got our windshield replaced, vacuumed the car twice, ate at Del Taco with CB, Cannon, and Alan, and talked to Becca on the phone.

Today I went to work, put air in the tires, paid some bills, and now I've been trying to watch a movie on Netflix, but the internet is too slow. Sometimes I dream about a magical place where after 15 years of perfecting the internet, it can actually go fast enough to download a decent Kevin Costner movie. That's just a dream. I thought I was lowering my standards too much when my dreams fell from flying cars to decent internet, but apparently I didn't lower them enough. Now I'd settle for an oven that actually is the temperature you set it to.

Monday, July 06, 2009

See Below

I came home today and Becca was watching Firefly with a friend and the apartment was spotless. Of course I immediately plopped my bag on the kitchen table and proceeded to make a mess, but it was really nice of Becca to give me a clean canvas to make my mess on. Here's to wives and all they put up with. Later we went to Council Bluffs and Emily's to work on our entertainment center. They came out and hung out with us before they went to FHE. Emily helped paint, and CB removed rocks from his lawn so that it will one day be a more comfortable place for Alan to practice hand stands. After that was the highlight of the day - TACO BELL! It's delicious. Here's a picture of our dinner companion.

He was a little yippy and went to the bathroom on the floor, but when he spoke, we lost ourselves in his wisdom and culinary prowess. He taught us the way of the double beef and cheese burrito, the triple layer nachos, the burrito (hold the onion), and the chicken burrito.

Now I'm blogging and Becca is reading. Our stomachs and souls are content. I bet that if I smiled at her right now she would smile back, or throw something at me, but one of those two things. Here we go....she smiled, and called me crazy. I was so right.