Windows to the soul.

"These eyes have seen a lot of love, but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you."

--The Guess Who

Do you recognize any of these eyes? See if you can identify their owners. Hint: Most of them belong to members of F6 and R22, but not all of them. Good luck!





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A little too late (Childhood memory)

I kept looking at my watch, wishing time would go by faster. Why did I ever volunteer to be a crossing guard? I remember sitting down in my 5th grade PE class and raising my hand along with a few others. What was I thinking? Well, whatever I was thinking, there I was in a bright orange vest, holding a bright orange flag. Earlier that day Garrett was challenged to a fight. "After school. In the alley". Garrett asked me to be there to back him up. I told him to try and stall since I had crossing guard duty till 3:30.

My reputation as a fighter was pretty good. At one time I would lose control and beat up anyone who got me mad, but prior to this day I changed my ways and developed talents of a different nature. I could talk myself out of any situation. I was willing to fight if it came down to it, but I could usually end a fight before it even started. Garrett's reputation as a tough guy was better than mine. He'd pick fights and make everyone mad, and there I'd be to back him up every time.

Three thirty finally came and I ran back to the school to put my bright orange vest and bright orange flag back into the closet. Trying to get to the school was like a nightmare. The school was close, but it felt like it was miles away. The harder I ran, the further I had to run. I suddenly felt an even more extreme sense of urgency, so I ran to the alley as fast as my 10-year-old legs could go.

I came up to the alley and heard laughing.

"We kicked his *&@#!!!!!"

"Yeah! Did you see his ear turn blue?"

"I bet I broke his ribs!"

"He was crying like a baby!"

I was furious. After screaming a few select words that I no longer feel comfortable saying, I stared them all down. I walked by Andrew, and then Justin, and then Max, and then I approached Micheal. He was the unofficial leader of this group.

"Wow! Do y'all think you're great? Four against one? Is that the only way you could take him?"

That made him mad. He grabbed a hold of my shirt and pushed me against the fence. Then he got in my face. It was on. I was ready to avenge Garrett. I was ready to take on all four of these punks. I was just waiting for young Micheal Delgado to make his move. Andrew spoke up though. "Hey! Kyle's cool. Let him go." Micheal listened. He let go of my shirt and I walked off until I was out of sight, and then I ran to find Garrett to see how he was. On the way to his house I kept repeating. "I was too late. I was too late. I was too late." Why did I volunteer to be a crossing guard?

His ear was blue. One of them kicked him in the head while he was down. Luckily he wasn't seriously hurt though. I felt guilty for a long time. A very long time. Up until a few years ago I would be angry at myself whenever I thought of it. I wasn't there for Garrett. I swore that I wouldn't let a friend down again.

What if I had the power to go back in time and do it again. Should I do anything differently? What if I skipped my crossing guard duty to help Garrett, but some 1st grader got hit by a car. I had to be where I was. At the age of ten I learned the pain of letting someone down, and almost ten years later I learned how to forgive myself. This experience was a turning point in my life.

Love Stats

Warning: Do not read this post unless you truly have nothing better to do. I mean, if you have to write a paper or do some reading for school, do that. If you need to catch up on some correspondence, I recommend you do that before reading my post too. How about your ceiling fan? When was the last time you dusted it? Why don't you take care of that also before saying you have enough time to waste on this post.

I started to think of some things yesterday as a result of my study of statistics and a conversation I had with the great Smith Field House janitor/philosopher Lafe. When you test a hypothesis and decide to reject or accept a hypothesis you either get it right, commit a type I error, or commit a type II error. A type I error is rejecting the null hypothesis when it is actually correct, and a type II error is not rejecting the hypothesis when it is actually incorrect. You can always interpret the stats in such a way that you decrease the chance of committing a type I error, but that always means increasing the chance of committing a type II error, and vice versa. You just have to decide which error has the worst consequences and decrease the probability of making that error. In the justice system the null hypothesis is "The person is innocent". A type I error would be saying a person is guilty when they are actually innocent, and a type II error would be saying a person is innocent when they are really guilty. In this case our government says a type I error is worse. Putting the burden on the prosecution to prove guilt and having well defined laws as to what will and will not be allowed as evidence means that fewer innocent people are found guilty and more guilty people are found "not guilty". That's a trade off that we're willing to accept in this nation.

Now on to the topic of love. The null hypothesis that a person can have is "I'm not in love". After getting to know a member of the opposite sex well, it is common to test to see if this original hypothesis is still true. After the test is made that person can either be right, decide they are not in love when they actually are (type I error), or think they are in love when they actually aren't (type II error). Which error is worse? I asked a number of people and it was interesting to hear their responses. Some people said that a type I error is the most tragic while dating, but that if marriage is a very real possibility, a type II error would have the worst consequences. Others said a type II error is always worse.

I believe that we all define "love" in such a way that we avoid one of these errors while increasing the probability of committing the other. People with a very broad definition of love want to avoid the mistake of not thinking they are in love, only to realize it later, when it might be too late to do anything about it. People with very strict definitions of love want to avoid thinking they are in love, only to later realize that what they felt wasn't love, and have to get out of whatever situation they're in. But, on the other hand people with broad definitions run a higher risk of committing a type II error and those with very strict definitions run a higher risk of committing a type I error.

Let's present these two different types of people with the same difficult situation where they just can't decide if they are in love or not. The person avoiding type I errors will say they are in love, because if they say they are in love, they are either right, or they committed a type II error. That's great. There is no chance that a type I error could be committed. The person avoiding type II errors will say they are not in love, because that way they are either right, or they committed a type I error which they consider to be less severe. No type II error could be committed.

Of course if we think things through, the probability lies in us being correct and not committing any error. I hate to make it sound like we will always be wrong and we must choose which type of mistake we want to make. Okay, that's all. If you followed any of this rambling, congratulations.

Marriage

So, It looks like me and Pottawattomie are engaged! When I heard about Chelsea and Council Bluffs getting engaged, I went into a jealous rage followed by a jealous coma and then jealous rehabilitation. I wanted to go with CB on that honeymoon package! Who does Chelsea think she is swooping in like that and stealing my vacation. ARRRGGHHH. Well I decided to go ahead and get married too so I can go with them on the honeymoon. I chose to marry P-dub for a few reasons.

1. She was online and the most easy to get a hold of.

2. I'm tired of dating.

3. Pottawattomie Vaughn has a nice ring to it.

4. Kyle Vaughn and Sara Riehle score a 94% on the love calculator.

We'll get married whenever Chelsea and CB tie the knot, as long as I make some brownies.

Hide and Seek

Garrett's little brother would always want to hang out with us, so we'd ditch him. It was the same tactic every time. It's amazing that the little kid would never catch on. "OK, let's play hide and seek, Ryan. Count to 60 and then come look for us."By the time he got to 20 we were out the door and on our way to a friends house. I always felt bad about it. I would imagine Ryan looking for a good half hour and then crying another half hour when he realized that we did it again. Poor kid. I told myself that it was Garrett's problem if Ryan cried. Ryan was HIS brother after all. Why should I care? I did though. One time we were ready to do it again. This time Garrett promised we wouldn't leave. Obviously a lie. Ryan looked at me and said, "Kyle, do YOU promise you won't leave?" That statement had a big impact on me. I promised, and when Garrett was ready to go I told him, "not this time. Let's play with him." I can't remember where I ended up hiding, but when he found me, the look on his face was amazing."You didn't leave! You didn't leave!"He was absolutely thrilled. Ryan had a tough life. His parents were divorced. His Mom was nice to us, but never stopped being a hippy. She owned a New Age store, did drugs, and had a new drunken abusive boyfriend every week. His dad also had his own vices( mostly pornography and alcohol) that resulted in a home completely void of that safe feeling a home should provide. After Garrett moved away, I took Ryan under my wing. Eventually I lost contact with the members of that family. Garrett would often tell me, "It's good that we're friends. You keep me from being too bad, and I keep YOU from being too good." We adopted the yin and yang as the symbol of our friendship. One of us was the black with a spot of white, and the other was the white with a spot of black. After graduation we had already been apart a number of years. I left for BYU, and he left for rehab. I don't know what's happened to Ryan. I think he'll be graduating either this year or next year. Wow. I hope things are better for him.

P.S. COUNCIL BLUFFS FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!

My Hunch

I had a hunch, and it was right. www.lovecalculator.com knows its stuff. This is the highest percentage I have ever seen it give.

The Hundredth Post

This is post number 100! It's amazing. I didn't realize that I wrote in this thing so much. I decided to use this mile marker to high-light some of my more memorable posts in the categories of relationships, Route 22, and travel. Enjoy.

Relationships

Tuesday, Jan 31, 2006
"Whenever I consider getting to know a girl better, I remember the time when a girl tore my heart out and covered it in firecrackers, lit it, and threw it into a twenty-gallon drum of gasoline, and then stomped out the flames with size 16 Combat boots."

Tuesday February 16, 2006
"Chelsea is pretty, really cool, easy to talk to, and fun to hang out with. I must say that I took a shine to her, but unfortunately Cupid's arrow didn't so much as nick her. So, there isn't any point in me pursuing anything more than a friendship at this time."

Monday, April 3, 2006
"We also did an anti-snow dance to ward off any evil winter spirits. At the end of the night she agreed to let me be her boyfriend. YIPEE!!! And, I hate to jump to any conclusions, but I think that also means that she's my girlfriend. YIPEE!!!"

Monday, May 8, 2006
"I guess I had a lot of thinking to do Sunday night, because the short walk landed me in American Fork at 4:00 am. I had to take the bus back to Provo. It was a good walk though."

Tuesday, January 31, 2006
"Alan and Councilina
sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
The comes Alan pushing a baby carriage!

Alan and Councilina Bluffs are officially dating."


Friday, March 31, 2006
"Alan and Councilina Bluffs are no longer Alan and Councilina Bluffs. Now they're just Alan........and...........Councilina Bluffs. I didn't cry and I didn't beat anyone up, but I was very unsettled."

Route 22

Monday, January 23, 2006
"On Saturday during my time off I was able to enjoy a thrilling game of Catch Phrase with Alan, Gavin, Councilina Bluffs, Chelsea, Pottowattamie, and Whitney. Fun was had by all. We even found another use for the newspaper ball: You can pass it around and use the words on it to play Catch Phrase.(I can't believe we didn't think of it sooner)."

Sunday, March 26, 2006
"After everyone came back, I couldn't let them see me and I didn't want to be locked in my room all night, so I snuck out the window and walked to route 22 and hung out with Whitney, Pottawattamie, and Matt until the plan came to completion."

Saturday, April 1, 2006
"Route 22 used their girls night out to have a little fun with our apartment. They took all of our right shoes, and stole our doors. There was also a lot of random stuff all over the place.....Do we get mad or do we get even? Well, all I can tell you is that we're not mad."

Sunday, April 16, 2006
"In the afternoon we walked over to Route 22 in response to a dinner invitation. The food was amazing. I'm still craving ham. Frozen burritos just won't be the same for the next few weeks. During dinner we voted on the correct pronunciation of words like crayon, trombone, syrup, Monticello, Camille, and both. "

Sunday, September 24, 2006
"F6 and Route 22 could easily be figments of my imagination. They're all so weird. Real people don't act like we do. Real people don't do the things we do."

Travel

January 18, 2006
Just before Christmas we came home from work and I decided that I wanted to go to Las Vegas. I made reservations at the Sahara and surprised Intrepid in the morning. She was so excited. That's one thing I really love about her. She is always ready to pick up and go somewhere at a moments notice.

Saturday, June 24, 2006
I got back to my car, filled up the radiator, started driving, the car started smoking, I pulled into a Jiffy Lube, they said my radiator hose was cut, they said they couldn't fix it, I asked who could, they said Pep Boys, I said that's who replaced the radiator hoses last week, they said the Pep Boys a couple blocks away should fix it for free then, I went to Pep Boys, they said they couldn't get to it till the next day, I left my car, I called Alan, he tried to call his mom, I started walking towards his house, I bought a non-sweaty shirt at the thrift store, I called Chelsea, she was at the airport, we had a nice chat, Alan called me back, his mom picked me up, she was real nice, I met Alan's dad, he's just like Alan, I slept in Alan's bed, I picked up my car the next day, and I made it back to Phoenix in the early afternoon.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Then he got real close to me and stuck his hand in my side and said, "Give me all your money or I will KILL you."

Sunday, November 19, 2006
I'm back from vacation. For every one's information, I'm doing okay. Being a little crazy is what keeps me from going insane. I ended up meeting my replacement here in the morning and we drove up to Saint George together. Jack in the Box was good.

A lot has happened this year. Some of it has been recorded in this blog, but not nearly enough of it. I'm very curious to discover what happens in the next hundred posts.

There has been one good football game

The football game was amazing! I've never witnessed anything so intense. I can't believe that I enjoyed it. Football is supposed to be boring.

Today has been really relaxed. I enjoyed teaching Sunday School today. That's another thing I shouldn't enjoy. I have to actually prepare lessons and stand up in front of everybody and try to teach or lead some form of discussion. That's work. I'm lazy. I don't get it. The best explanation I can come up with is that I actually do enjoy work, but I can't take any kind of grading. In school I could work hard on a presentation and then get a bad grade. I am therefore a failure. Church is great though. It doesn't matter how good or how bad you are; at the end of the lesson you get the same people who simply say, "Good lesson." It feels great. Even if people are judging my teaching abilities and spend all day talking about what a horrible teacher I am, I don't know about it, so I don't care. I still get nervous, but I feel great at the same time. I just want to thank everyone who says I did a good job teaching. Thanks to those who mean it and thanks to those who are just saying it to be polite. You're all appreciated. Keep up the good work.

Thanksgiving Break

So far so good.

I met Mama Bluffs!

She's a really cool mom. It was kind of mysterious since no one had met her before. I was afraid that she would be this scary dictatorial woman who ruled the Bluffs family with an iron fist and had no interest in knowing their friends. Boy were my fears unwarranted. She's really friendly and seemed excited to meet all of us non-Bluffs. She likes to take pictures and keep track of all the cute things her kids do. She even wrote down all the nick names we've given them. Some of her hobbies include making crafts and scrap booking.

Whit and I were honorary members of the Bluffs family!

We drove up to somewhere past Ogden so that we could have thanksgiving dinner in a chapel there. The drive was fun. Good music was played. Bad music was played. Ok music was played. We covered the spectrum. While waiting for dinner I threw around the football with the girls while the other guys played basketball. I'm not very competitive and I could tell that the basketball players were. Council Bluffs broke his foot off during the game, but he's tough so we just stuck it back on and now he just has a swollen ankle. Then we played some football. Then we ate a delicious turkey dinner. Then we went to a house and ate pie. Then we watched Mission Impossible III. Then we drove back to Provo. Then we watched The da Vinci Code while some people played risk. Then I went home and fell asleep.

I worked a lot.

Wednesday I put in 8 hours at the lab, worked 5 hours at the Smith Field house, and labored 3 hours at the Marriott Center cleaning up after the game. Friday I didn't have to go to the lab, but I worked the same shifts at the Field house and Marriott Center.

I fell in love with an Arabian princess.

Obviously a big fat lie.

My Room, My Refuge

This is my room. Well, actually it's my side of a room of which I am a co-owner. I like it in my room. Not many people have been in my room (mostly just my roommates), so I thought I'd give everyone a short tour. This is my desk. I get most of my stuff done here. If we've ever chatted online, I was most likely sitting right here. Some key features are my computer, my Gremlins poster, and my junk.
This is the shelf we had installed right in the middle of the room. I use it to put stuff on. You'll notice pictures of me and Jenny, a yellow furby key chain, clocks, and other stuff.
And this is my cork board. It houses my assignment tracker, the names of the guys and gals that I home teach. A small piece of note card that says "CPM" in bubble letters, and an index card with a few things that I mustn't forget. To the right of my cork board you'll see "El Bruto" and "Senor Skateboard". As far as I know, a girl has never set foot in this room. When I lived on Kingsbury street back in Amarillo, Texas there was only one time that a girl other than a relative entered my room. I was gone doing something and the Young Women in the ward invited themselves in and "decorated" it. I felt like my sanctuary had been violated. I got over it though.

Harmony

WARNING: This post contains an attempt to discuss things that are going on inside my head to a general audience that is either not aware of my current circumstances or not interested in the details. It's probably confusing. Reader discression is advised.

I am divided into three parts. One part deals with emotions and feeling. He is responsible for my desires, my passion, my love, my disappointment, my discouragement, my sadness. He worries about things being right or wrong(moral or immoral).The second part of me is all about logic. He only cares about probabilities, patterns, and trends. He worries about things being right or wrong(correct or incorrect). His intentions are very good. He wants to keep the three of us safe. The third is the one that people see. People get to know the third. He's the one that governs. He listens to the first two and makes the decision of how to act/what to do. When I say the word "I" or "me" I am referring to all three, but the third is the one speaking for the other two. For too long now, the three have been fighting. The first will feel something and request that action be taken. The second will point out possible undesired consequences of taking any action. And the third will usually pick a side. Then it can get ugly. If one is ignored too often they can cause a lot of problems until they finally get recognized again. The third isn't nice to the other two. He's been know to say things like, "That's so stupid!", "Why did you do that?", "What were you thinking?", "Idiot!", "Fool!".

It has been easy for me to be understanding and patient with other people, but hard for me to treat myself the same way. I'm learning to work better though. It's never wrong to feel how I feel. I need to pay more attention to it. The more I suppress and ignore my feelings, the less passion I have for life, and the less creativity I possess. No longer will the third say to the first, "You shouldn't feel that way. It's stupid. I'm only listening to Logic from now on." How I feel is important. All three can begin to work together. Recently the first two were fighting. The first brought a feeling to the attention of the third and the second was quick to point out the trend of what happens when this feeling surfaces. The pattern pointed out by the second was very convincing, but the newly enlightened third came up with a brilliant idea that allowed the first to continue feeling what it was feeling while avoiding the pattern pointed out by the second. I'm so much better off because of it. I'm nicer to myself. I'm not as judgemental. When I do poorly on an exam I won't yell at logic for not being smarter, and when I'm discouraged or heartbroken, I won't blame it on the foolishness of acting on my feelings. I can act on my feelings and be logical. They can coexist.

Tired yet rejuvinated.

WARNING: This post is long and is not for the very busy. It is recommended that the very busy skip to the pictures.

I'm back from vacation. For every one's information, I'm doing okay. Being a little crazy is what keeps me from going insane. I ended up meeting my replacement here in the morning and we drove up to Saint George together. Jack in the Box was good. Then we drove around lost for a while as we tried to find a place to set up camp. Due to a wrong turn we ended up in Arizona. I took one of those exits that says "NO SERVICES" and followed a dirt road into the desert. Then I pulled off the road and we set up the tent. Once the sun went down it got cold. Real cold. The trip was nice. My replacement and I really got to know each other better. We dug down deep into our souls asking questions about what really is important to us, and what assumptions about life we have made. I also called Abby, because it was a little creepy and I wanted some contact with civilization. We talked for a good hour and a half. She has a new boyfriend and a new job in Chicago. It's helpful to get her perspective on things. It's nice to know that many of the problems I face aren't unique to me or to BYU or to Mormons. They're universal.

We woke up and had an early morning devotional of sorts. And then we just talked and read. Then something clicked. I had one of those epiphany things. Then I had the impression that my trip had served it's purpose, so I needed to go home. I packed up the tent, put everything in the car, got in the car, turned the key, and nothing. The car was dead. I tried again and again. It would just crank, but never turn over. This turned out to be an amazing blessing. Part of what I learned in my conversations with my replacement is that I'm too independent. I've always considered that to be a strength, but it's not in my case. I need to learn to rely on others and ask for help when I need it. It's no just that I try to be independent from my parents and things, it goes much deeper. I don't even ask God for help. I'll ask for guidance and forgiveness, but I try to do everything else on my own. That's not independence. It's pride. It's stupidity. It's like I'm trying to fool myself into thinking I can make it through mortality with just the bare minimum of divine aid. I need all the help I can get, and I shouldn't let my pride get in the way. So, my car was dead. The normal Kyle would have grabbed his bottle of water and started walking through the desert until he reached civilization so that he could find a tow truck to retrieve his car and bring it to get repaired. I did something different though. I prayed and asked for help. I'm sure it seems like the logical thing to do for everyone else, but it's something very new to me. I just don't ask for help. After the prayer, I popped the hood, jiggled every wire and thingamajig that could be jiggled, got in the car, caressed the steering wheel lovingly turned the key and BAM it turned over. I made it out of the desert of Arizona and all the way home. It was amazing to have the chance to put into practice what I had learned.

Okay, for those of you who skipped most of the post because it's too long... Here are some pictures!

Here's my replacement driving very carefully on the way to Saint George.

Me standing by the tent. I still remember some of what Boy Scouts taught me.

Here I am outside while we were star gazing. It was a great night for it.This is my replacement. He looks a little cold....And Arabic.This is me sleeping like a little angel.

Last Day

It's been fun being Kyle, but all good things must come to an end. I want to thank everyone for accepting me and treating me just like one of the gang. Maybe I'll come back and visit from time to time. It was warm today, so I'm hoping that its warm tomorrow, but AmAndA and AlAn tell me that a warm day usually means snow is on its way. Now that I finished everything Kyle had to do, I don't have anything to keep myself entertained. I played solitaire. I won. Yippee. Now I'm just trying to find an activity to burn my time until I go to work. After work I don't know what I'll do. I could do some deep cleaning in Kyle's room. That would be lame. This is my last day here. I should be SWINGING!

Today in History I learned that you can't spell Umar Uthman without Uma Thurman.

It Ain't Easy

Okay, so I thought that since I've been working so hard, I must have Kyle caught up till January, but no. It turns out I'm barely treading water. How does he do it? How does anyone do it? SO much work. I'm glad that I only have to be Kyle for two more days. Saturday I'm going to meet up with him in St. George. We're going to get some Jack in the Box tacos and then go camping somewhere. We might have a tent if I can take this one that's been sitting in Kyle's apartment forever. If the weather is nice enough down there, we won't even need a tent. I got a haircut yesterday, and I suggested that Kyle do the same. He's starting to look like a hippy. He'll be back Sunday night or Monday afternoon depending on his desires to skip his classes. Well, no rest for the weary. I better get back to work. Bye.

Greetings

Hello all! This is Kyle's replacement. You can call me Kyle. Kyle has begun his vacation, but I talked to him a little bit last night and he says he doesn't feel like his vacation has started yet. I understand. He has a lot on his mind. It will take a while to just sit back and relax. Plus, from my experience, vacations can be more stressful than the stress we mean to avoid by taking the vacation. I don't know how long he'll be gone, but I'm happy to be here, so however long it is, it's fine with me.

Yesterday was my first day as Kyle. It went okay, I went to most of his classes. I skipped history, but I figure it's okay since he never went anyway. I finished his homework for Molecular Biology Reading Series (boring). No offense Kyle, but I can't think of a more boring major that you could have chosen. Maybe if "History of Dog Food" were a major, it would be more boring. I also, wrote his New Testament paper that's due this week. Apparently he put it off all semester. Sheesh, what a procrastinator. Then I went to work and everything went smoothly there. You better look out Kyle, I might end up running your life better than YOU! Or, on the other hand, I may ruin your life rather than run it. Just kidding, Kyle. Sip some lemonade and kick your feet up. No worries. I'll keep everything under control for ya. That reminds me, I better get started on the rest of the stuff you've been putting off since who knows when.

Vacation!

Yesterday was pretty tough on so many different levels. At least the day ended well, with throwing pumpkins off a bridge. It made me decide to take a vacation. I can't get behind in my school work or get off at the Smith Field house, so I'm going to have someone take my place. He looks just like me and we act very similarly (No, it isn't Alan). While I'm getting some much needed rest, he'll be taking care of business here in Provo. Hopefully by the time I get back I will have found a way to get off the see-saw. Alan's and my future happiness depends on it. Good bye everyone! I'll see you when I get back!

Studs

Busy week. I just want to take this time to acknowledge the studity of my apartment. Last Saturday we all had dates, and this weekend many of us have dates. I'm not included in that "many", but I am included in the "all" that went on dates last week. Lafe from work set me up on a blind date with a girl in his ward. We made and ate Taco Salad at Lafe's house. It was weird to be in a home. A real home with parents and teenagers and stuff. That was my first experience in a Provo home. It was scary. After eating we went bowling at the Wilkinson Student Center. I saw Heather there. That was cool. I beat everyone in bowling. That's right. I rock. I'm the best. Bow down to the lord of all that is bowling. Well, I won, but my score was only 116. None of us were experienced bowlers. Then we went and got ice cream because I like ice cream and I don't care who knows it. This week was another hectic week. I thought it was over now, but it's not. I forgot that I'm teaching Sunday School. My parents are going to be here tomorrow. That's exciting too. I get to show them my turf. My stomping grounds. Introduce them to my peeps, my homies, my allies. Yeah, I'll just post some pictures and call it a night.

Am I weird?

Today a girl asked me if I was pre-med. When I said no she responded with, "Oh, so you're just going to Graduate school then." When I said no again she asked with a puzzled look on her face, "Then what are you going to do with your degree?!?" I'll do what I want with it! Maybe I'll use it as scratch paper or carry it around like a hanky and blow my nose into it! I'm sorry if getting a bachelor's degree isn't good enough for you. Am I the only person in the world that's anxious to be done with school? I've been going to school since I was five. That's long enough. It's not like going to school puts off anything. Right now I work AND go to school. When I'm done with school, I'll just have work! A huge chunk of my time will be restored to me. At school you have five or six bosses that never coordinate and demand ridiculous amounts of work from you. It's not like that in any job I've had before. One supervisor. One person to please. That's the life. My Professor in the Lab! My teachers! My boss at work! Cleaning inspections at home! There's no escape! Too much grading! Too much judging!

I was frustrated when I got home, so I move the refrigerator and noticed that there wasn't linoleum underneath it. Oh wait....There was linoleum underneath it, just hidden under years of grime. I got to cleaning. I felt good. Something accomplished. No one told me to do it, so no one has the right to say I did a bad job.

Superman does look a little bit like me.

Thanks to HOOOWWWWhit! I took the picture of me from her blog. I think I look more concerned for the human race than he does.

A Quicky

Council Bluffs wanted me to update my blog, so I just copied his blog and made a few changes so that it applies to me.....kind of.


Resist Them

Man, so much to say. First of all I approve of chips and Salsa. I approve of milk and cookies and think Amber should be more flirtatious and send more hints. I approve of Burritos and buritto sauce, Councilina shouldn't go to Israel cause she has to hang out with us. Council Bluffs needs to show more interest in Amber as well. Two teachers this week just started talking to me about genetics cause they had stuff they had to tell someone. It was really interesting what I learned. It's funny how everyone is SICK of dating and then we got this talk in Priesthood session about dating. There were multiple things I didn't agree with, but Council Bluffs sustains them so I need to get goin and do it too. Because the Stake Presidency is really pushing dating and getting married, I think Bishop should start breaking people up. We've brainstormed this and came up with everybody in the ward writing down 5 people that are already in serious relationships. Bishop takes the results and encourages whoever he needs to, to ask out certain people who already have boyfriends or girlfriends.

I got chewed out by no one with an ego on Monday. Not a funny story.Yesterday I was trying to find who on campus could make fake ID's. People transferred me all over and then I was talking with this one guy for like a minute and then we both realized who each other was. It was "Bone-Crusher". We were both talking with our "disguised" voices and didn't realize who it was. Ha, it was pretty funny.

Ugh, Bush is allowing a fence to be built on the Moon. The statue of Liberty reads: "Give me your tired, your poor,Your blah blah blah."I don't think a fence is the best way to represent our ideals. We should throw some pumpkins off the Moon.

The Results Are In

The results are in. It turns out that the true X-Factor is Gatorade. Last night it was confirmed by a girl who was drawn out of her apartment and into mine due to my possession of this splendid beverage. The downside is that Gatorade can cost up to a dollar a bottle. It might not be worth it. Like Jerry Seinfeld says: We as an organization are getting more women than any other organization in the world. Apparently we're doing just fine already. However, it is nice to know that if you want that extra edge, and there's a special young lady that needs some help seeing how wonderful you are, Gatorade is an option.

I almost had a quarter-life crisis. My friends from High School are designing and selling clothes in New York. I was jealous of them. I felt like they were living the life I wanted to live. I felt like they were successful and I was a failure. I felt like I had nothing to show for the past five years of my life. Then, I realized that what I was feeling wasn't actually a desire to live in New York and design clothes. It was just the feeling that I'm not living up to my potential. I wrote one of these friends and he wrote back. I was afraid that he was going to think my life was boring and lame. He didn't though. Like a friend of mine told me during my crisis, "It's cool to be Mormon." I was a missionary in Chile for two years. That's not a week long vacation with family. It's hardcore. I think I forget that, since everyone around me has done the same thing. Here I'm just another face in the crowd, but I'm sure it's the same way for them. Among their friends, everyone goes to art school, lives in New York, and goes to galleries, performances, and artsy parties. We live different lifestyles now, but one isn't cooler than the other. Their just different. I can't wait for my mid-life crisis. It's gonna be crazy-go-nuts.

Okay Men...Listen up.

We've heard of it before. The "X-Factor". What is it? Our covert operatives have given us glimpses of its meaning, but all we can gather is that it's something that we must have in order to trick girls into liking us while blinding them from seeing any of our faults. I've done some research on the subject so that we as an organization can mass produce this "X-Factor" and take over the world! I'll start out by giving some preliminary results of my research.

Possible meanings of X-Factor.

1. X-Factor - A British reality show very similar to American Idol, except that it allows both single performers and groups to compete.

2. X-Factor - A comic book series published by Marvel Comics. Since its February 1986 inception, the book has been cancelled and relaunched several times, each relaunch featuring a different superhero team semi-related to the team featured in the book's previous run. All of the teams featured in X-Factor are spin offs of the popular X-Men franchise. According to Marvel, it's also the name of the gene responsible for most, but not all, the superheroes on Earth.

3. X-Factor - A heel professional wrestling stable in the World Wide Wrestling federation led by X-Pac that featured Justin Credible, and Albert.

4. X- Factor- the name of an album released by Iron Maiden in 1995. It is known as the darkest and most unpopular album in the band's history.

5. Factor X- A coagulation factor that is converted to an enzyme that converts prothrombin to thrombin in a reaction that depends on calcium ions and other coagulation factors. The gene is located on the thirteenth chromosome. It cannot be purchased, but can be collected from fresh frozen human plasma.

6. X- Factor- A series of Gatorade flavors released in 2004.
X-Factor Fruit Punch + Berry (red)
X-Factor Orange + Tropical Fruit (red-orange)
X-Factor Lemon-lime + Strawberry (yellow-green)

7. X- Factor- A title given to the theory that women are more complex genetically than men due to their second X chromosome. New research reveals that the X chromosome may be responsible not only for determining the female gender but also for the evolution of some of the most human of human traits: language, intelligence and culture.

Some of these definitions can be ruled out. I don't think girls as a collective like comic books, wrestling, Iron Maiden, or the British. As for definition number five, we all already have this floating around in our blood. That leaves number 6 and 7. I will have to do a few experiments to determine which is the real X- factor, but I currently believe that it will be found in the exploration of definition seven. If it be that women want us to be women also..... Forget it! It's not worth it. But I believe the true secret lies in the last part of the definition. Language, intelligence, and culture. It may be that as Men we forget that we do have an X chromosome, so we spend too much time focusing on the Y chromosome. Maybe we should spend time developing the way we speak to girls and people in general. We should also expand our knowledge and study the important things in life. We should broaden our horizons and learn to appreciate and love art, poetry, theater, and classical music. This may be the key. This may be Factor X, but to be sure, I will randomly select individuals from our organization and randomly assign them to three groups. One will work on language, intelligence, and culture. The second will constantly drink Gatorade and offer it to girls, and the third will be a control group who will continue to use our current tactics, ie. honking, whistling, asking if we can get some, "fries with that shake." I'll post the results at a later date. Thank you for your time. That is all.

Busy Bee

We went to the canyon today to enjoy the fall leaves. It was a nice day, but the bees wouldn't let us be. Get it. Let us BEEEEEEEE. Anyway, I don't think I've accomplished this much in a week since I was a missionary. I went to all my classes (except one), worked twenty hours at the Fieldhouse, spent 22 hours in the lab, took three exams, finished all my assignments, caught up on all my reading, cleaned my room, the living room, and the bathroom with Cannon, hiked to Stewart Falls, and went on a date. I'm exhausted, but it feels good to know that everything is ready for next week. I can actually relax now. It'll be good. There's so much more I'd like to post, but most of it wouldn't make any sense. How do you explain a polygamist family council between two apartments?

Drastic Change

Change is just a part of life. At times our job is to just deal with it and accept it. I've decided that I can't go on like this. I've made a decision and that decision is final. The fear of what people will think creeps into my mind no matter how hard I try to ignore it. Especially my parents. I'm practically rebelling against how they raised me. I hope my friends will support me. I mean, if they really are my friends, they'll support me even if they don't agree with what I'm doing. Well, I shouldn't care what anyone thinks anyway. It's MY LIFE for cryin' out loud. It's not like I'm breaking any commandments or anything. I can still be a good member of the church, and if things don't work out I should be able to return to the way things were. What's the worst that could happen? I've heard of other people doing it and it's worked out for THEM, so why wouldn't it work out for ME? People just need to understand that there isn't a clear cut right and wrong in every case. We have our agency for a reason. Just because I'm leaving the path I originally had planned out, doesn't mean that I'm doing something horribly wrong. To each his own. Maybe I just have different needs than those of my parents when they were my age. Maybe life just has something different in store for me. I'm sure that years from now, I won't regret this decision. It needs to be done. If I don't do it now, I'll spend my life wondering, "What if?" I don't know how I'm going to tell everyone. It's scary. What will I say? How will they react? I talked about it with Alan for a little bit. He probably just thought I was joking though. I wasn't. I'm not. Well here it goes. I'm just going to come out and say it. I beg of everyone, please don't judge me. I've really thought this through. It costs the same. It tastes a little different, but not with Fruity Dino-bites. That's right everyone, I'm switching to 2% Milk. My days of whole milk are through. There. I said it.

Parasites

This is a photograph of me back when I was an ultra focused missionary. Look at how young and handsome I used to be. What happened? I suppose the years are taking their toll.

This has been a great Sunday so far. Testimony meeting was wonderful and Chelsea's class was fun. I wanted to go to Pottawattamie's class too. Darn that Council Bluffs. Like Alan says, he really is the cause and solution to all of our problems. He should know better than to have them both teach the same week. It looks like a parasite has settled in my blog's comment box. Feel free to leave him comments too. Just specify who the comment is for. If someone leaves the comment, "YOU SUCK! DIE!", we would like to know to whom it is directed. I like that his blogs have an easy to follow format. If you could care less about his classes, you can just skip over it. If you're interested to see his thoughts on the opposite sex, it's easy to find. I might try a similar approach.

Stuff about things

I have some glow-in-the-dark footprints going up my bedroom wall. To enter my room when the door is closed, you have to do a secret handshake. I've never sucked the marrow out of a bone. I've never tried sushi.

Other stuff

Yesterday I had a lot of déjà vu . It usually happens when I get stressed out. I haven't felt too stressed though, and I don't have the heartburn that usually goes with it. It first started happening when I was in high school. I thought I had a tumor. I didn't though. Or maybe I did, and do, since I never checked it out. Frequent sensations of déjà vu are associated with schizophrenia and anxiety. Schizophrenia does run in my family, but every year past my 19th birthday, the lower my chances of developing it (If I don't have it already). F6 and Route 22 could easily be figments of my imagination. They're all so weird. Real people don't act like we do. Real people don't do the things we do.

Miscellaneous stuff

I hope this format helps everyone get through my blog more quickly. Feel free to skip any boring parts. Good day.

Super

There is no resemblance between the two of us. But. There will be. I love a challenge.

Rejected

I turned down a job. It rocked. I went in to the interview lookin' real sharp and all confident and such. I said all the right things in the interview and tried to portray myself as the model employee. Then he asked why I was interested in working at Sento. I said straight up that the tuition reimbursement is what made me consider them. Then he got all nervous and tiptoed around the whole tuition thing. He didn't know any details and I figured the tuition reimbursement wasn't what it seemed. I started to negotiate a higher pay, but he made it sound like he has no control over it and every one starts with the same pay. After he said that I could work there and was showing me the shifts I could work, I told him that I wasn't going to take the job. Then I walked out and drove home. HA! That shows you and your kind! WASTE OUR TIME WITH APPLICATIONS THAT ARE NEVER CONSIDERED AND EMPTY PROMISES OF PROMOTION AND HIGHER WAGES!!!!! Well now I'll waste YOUR time! I'll turn YOU down! I'll tell YOU that I may reconsider you in 60 days! REVENGE IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!

Drowning out the roar of my industrial strength vacuum cleaner were the synchronized voices of 25 girls screaming "NO!" in a room across the hall. The women's self-defense class was meeting in the dance room. It was unsettling for a moment. No is somewhat a negative word and it was like they were screaming it at me. What was I doing wrong? The class ended and all the girls passed me as they walked down the hall. Nothing but smiles and laughter. I'm sure they all felt great. They got to scream and get some exercise. All the stress of school, work, relationships and whatever else girls worry about was gone. It was all expelled through their vocal chords. All the frustration and anxiety transformed into an echo off the mirrored walls. There were a few girls; however, that had a different attitude. As they passed, they stared me down as if to say, "I could kick your trash." I believe it. They're taking a class on how to injure men! I've never taken a class on how to injure WOMEN! I'm just not as well educated or trained as they are. Before you know it I would be on the ground begging them to just leave me alone. What if women let this power go to their heads? I can see it now.
"Excuse me ma'am can I see some ID?" asked the friendly guard.
"NO!" screamed the woman as she kicked him repeatedly in a place that is ridiculously cliche.

Women could take over the world. Our only defense would be instructors of Self-defense classes and scum bags that have experience in attacking women. Oh well, if they did take over the world I'm sure we would be kept around as servants, or at least pets.

Seriously. It's a good thing. I want the women I know to be safe. It scares me to see so many girls walking alone late at night. Especially with all the creepy guys I also see. Self-defense classes: a great investment.

On a side note, if someone were to attack ME, my most vulnerable moment is when I'm walking home from work. Every night between 11:40 and 11:45 I get hit in the face by the spray of a sprinkler right before crossing 300 East. After I cross the street I take off my glasses to dry them on my shirt. Right there. There is never anyone around. I'm tired. I'm not paying attention. And I'm blind. Perfect opportunity. Sorry, would be assailants. Now that I recognize this weakness I will take steps to correct it.

Guy's Night

Well, although Girl's nights may be fun, we opted for a Guy's night instead. It turned out to be a great success. We all left the experience a little older and a little wiser. Some important male bonding really strengthened all parties involved. Now it's time to get some shut eye. Stake Conference will be starting pretty dang early tomorrow. Here is our band with our new single, "Is She Just Being Friendly?" Alan about to kill Gavin in a game of Stair Master 2000
Council Bluffs and Alan elevating their thoughts.They just can't find anywhere to practice in private. They sure look comfortable though. Bravin the Gorlock!!!
Look out!! He's going to get you!!
Preparing for the game. Batters Up!Me, a little wet.That puddle is from water balloons. I swear. I haven't had that problem in weeks.That's my fault for choosing Dare, but it was better than answering THAT question.

Last Day of Summer

Here are the problems with the dollar a day goal.

1. It's no fun for me. Some days I just want to spend two dollars.
2. It's not fun for anyone else. What happens when my friends want to go eat out? Do I just sit there and order a water every time?
3. At the end of it all, the money I save isn't worth the trouble.

Needless to say, I quit that endeavor. I have done well with my study of Organic Chemistry however. I'm ready for school to start. I have to be excited and try my best to keep that excitement up. Otherwise, my whole head will be eaten and I'll find myself drowning my sorrows in a glass of non-alcoholic beverage. ---The job hunt goes well. I suppose. I've at least been able to send out a couple of resumes. Tomorrow I'll apply at Fed-ex. I get to apply to this one in person, but that worries me a bit. What if they want to hire me right then; right there? What do I say? Sorry, but I applied to some other places that are better and this is just a back up? Maybe I should go ahead and take the job just in case nothing else works out. I hate to go job hopping, but I feel like I wouldn't have any real choice. I need money and can't waste any time not working. --- There are a few things that have been weighing on my mind just as heavily as my financial issues, but I keep pushing them into the back of my head. This results in the occasional headache and sour mood.

"No man is a failure who is enjoying life"

The title was the quote of the day in my Gmail account. I'm typing this up so that I can have a break from looking for jobs and studying organic Chemistry. I think that from now until Saturday I'll be having breakfast, lunch, and dinner at Ream's. They have 10 cent hotdogs and ice cream. 10 cents! Hotdogs! Ice Cream! I have set some unrealistic financial goals and some unrealistic scholastic goals. It's not likely that I will achieve them, but I'll try. I am giving myself an allowance of only one dollar every day. That dollar will go towards food, gas, entertainment, pencils, paper, etc. Pretty much anything but rent, utilities, and phone bill. So far I've spent 10 cents today. That leaves me 90 whole cents! I can still get eight hotdogs. Life is good. I have also set the goal to study the first three chapters of my organic chemistry book before school starts. So far I've finished 1/9th of the first chapter. I don't want chemistry to eat my whole head.

Textbooks=Misery

Why do they cost so much? How can they justify charging 160 dollars for a book, buying it back for 60 dollars, selling it used for 95 dollars, buying it back for 40 dollars, selling it for 95, buying it for 40, selling it for 95 and then not buying it back because there is a new 160 dollar edition that has the only change of having a more up-to-date cover?!?!?!?!?! How much money are they making off of that one book? 160-60+95-40+95-40+95= 305 Bones!!! I need to get into the textbook business. I've been in bookstores. I've seen big books. They don't cost 160 dollars. They definitely don't cost 305 dollars. For 305 dollars, you can get an entire set of encyclopedias! That's 32 hard cover reference books!!!! If regular bookstores can stay in business selling books once, and only once, for a reasonable price, then the textbook department must be making bank. I'm frustrated. I need to just go to sleep and forget about it.

This is Paola and me in Chile. She was one of my first converts. I was happy to see that she is very active in the church and is serving with the stake young single adults. Hmmm. Angelo's still single. Maybe I should hook them up.