Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Okay Men...Listen up.

We've heard of it before. The "X-Factor". What is it? Our covert operatives have given us glimpses of its meaning, but all we can gather is that it's something that we must have in order to trick girls into liking us while blinding them from seeing any of our faults. I've done some research on the subject so that we as an organization can mass produce this "X-Factor" and take over the world! I'll start out by giving some preliminary results of my research.

Possible meanings of X-Factor.

1. X-Factor - A British reality show very similar to American Idol, except that it allows both single performers and groups to compete.

2. X-Factor - A comic book series published by Marvel Comics. Since its February 1986 inception, the book has been cancelled and relaunched several times, each relaunch featuring a different superhero team semi-related to the team featured in the book's previous run. All of the teams featured in X-Factor are spin offs of the popular X-Men franchise. According to Marvel, it's also the name of the gene responsible for most, but not all, the superheroes on Earth.

3. X-Factor - A heel professional wrestling stable in the World Wide Wrestling federation led by X-Pac that featured Justin Credible, and Albert.

4. X- Factor- the name of an album released by Iron Maiden in 1995. It is known as the darkest and most unpopular album in the band's history.

5. Factor X- A coagulation factor that is converted to an enzyme that converts prothrombin to thrombin in a reaction that depends on calcium ions and other coagulation factors. The gene is located on the thirteenth chromosome. It cannot be purchased, but can be collected from fresh frozen human plasma.

6. X- Factor- A series of Gatorade flavors released in 2004.
X-Factor Fruit Punch + Berry (red)
X-Factor Orange + Tropical Fruit (red-orange)
X-Factor Lemon-lime + Strawberry (yellow-green)

7. X- Factor- A title given to the theory that women are more complex genetically than men due to their second X chromosome. New research reveals that the X chromosome may be responsible not only for determining the female gender but also for the evolution of some of the most human of human traits: language, intelligence and culture.

Some of these definitions can be ruled out. I don't think girls as a collective like comic books, wrestling, Iron Maiden, or the British. As for definition number five, we all already have this floating around in our blood. That leaves number 6 and 7. I will have to do a few experiments to determine which is the real X- factor, but I currently believe that it will be found in the exploration of definition seven. If it be that women want us to be women also..... Forget it! It's not worth it. But I believe the true secret lies in the last part of the definition. Language, intelligence, and culture. It may be that as Men we forget that we do have an X chromosome, so we spend too much time focusing on the Y chromosome. Maybe we should spend time developing the way we speak to girls and people in general. We should also expand our knowledge and study the important things in life. We should broaden our horizons and learn to appreciate and love art, poetry, theater, and classical music. This may be the key. This may be Factor X, but to be sure, I will randomly select individuals from our organization and randomly assign them to three groups. One will work on language, intelligence, and culture. The second will constantly drink Gatorade and offer it to girls, and the third will be a control group who will continue to use our current tactics, ie. honking, whistling, asking if we can get some, "fries with that shake." I'll post the results at a later date. Thank you for your time. That is all.


Anonymous said...

hahahha...the x-factor is like taoism-it transcends all words-they can't give it justice, but....good luck with that. 8)

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should just ask Bret what the X-factor is. He does know everything.

Anonymous said...

I agree. Bret knows everything.

Chelsea said...

By the way...there is not a dash (-) between X and Factor. Get it right, kid. If you're going to use the word, at least use it correctly.