Preposterous

I have a lot of respect and even admiration for the guest blogger of a few days ago, but I just can't let this slide. Monkeys do not peel bananas from the bottom. This photograph proves that a monkey would prefer smoking a banana like a pipe or using it as a spit-wad shooter over peeling it from the bottom. I will admit that maybe at one time monkeys peeled bananas from the bottom, but thanks to evolution and natural selection all of those monkeys either died young or just never had the chance to reproduce. Once monkeys began to peel from the top all the beautiful girl monkeys just couldn't resist them. Then all the bottom-peelers were left without anyone to take to the jungle parties. It got to the point where male bottom-peelers were so undesirable that even female bottom-peelers wouldn't have anything to do with them. The new and improved race of top peelers spread over the earth quicker than you can say Chiquita. If a monkey were to peel a banana from the bottom today, it would be equivalent to me walking around campus with a powdered wig. The only members of the powdered wig race are isolated in British parliament where they will soon die off. If I began to where a powdered wig I would either be trampled upon until I was dead, live a long lonely life and die single, or be exiled to Great Britain with all the other Powdered-wig-people.

Thanks to the curve, my 36 aint so bad

I got back the results from my cell biology test. I made a 36, but the good thing is that a 36 turns out to be a C thanks to the curve. I also got back my Chemistry test. I made a 67, but luckily the class average was a 63 so once again my grade probably turns out to be a C. On my genetics test I made an 84 which was also the class average. So it looks like I am just an average Joe this semester. No major success and no major failure.

A Googol Ways to be Cruel

This isn't Kyle. But I'll tell you what he did today. The only real thing of importance was the preparation and rehearsal of A Million Ways to be Cruel, which is a song and dance number by Ok Go, one which should be viewed by all. Once it's ready, it should be a smash. He went to DI to appropriately update his wardrobe, then went to Dillard's to pick up his cream-colored suit coat. Rehearsal went well.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die

If I could say one thing to everyone in the world, it would be:

Monkeys peel bananas from the bottom!!!!!!!!

Thank you for reading. Kyle will be back to post as normal soon.

Three Day Weekend

Thanks to the fact that we decided to have presidents instead of kings or prime ministers, I don't have to go to school in the morning. Yipidee doo da!!! The weekend has been fun so far. Friday night I got home and no one was here so I built a fort in the living room. It was an okay fort, but I built better ones back when I was in my prime. Saturday I worked most of the day and then after work I talked to Jessica. That was interesting. I hadn't spoken with her since New Years. I did my best to pretend that we never dated and never broke up and I never felt anything for her. I think I did a pretty good job. I was even ready to ask her how Ben was doing, but she had to go before I could bring it up. I think it would be good to keep in touch and talk to her once a month or so, but I couldn't take any more communication than that right now. Hopefully we'll be able to have a normal run of the mill friendship someday. Until then, semi-awkward phone conversations will have to do. Later that night I went over to Megan's house for a dance party. It was the coolest party I have ever been to. We actually danced! Music was played and people danced! They had chips and dip and mints and orange pineapple cookies! It was even fun to mingle and meet all the people that came. Today I just went to church and work and sat around the apartment. Tomorrow, I have no idea.

Cupid's Poor Aim.

Valentine's Day was pretty neat. I was going to just stay home and study all night, but on Sunday Jeremy from work convinced me/committed me to ask someone out. So, that night I asked Chelsea after we played some games at Route 22. I told her to dress formal for the date just because I think it's fun to dress up, but I didn't have anything planned. It was going to be tough because I worked Tuesday and couldn't start the date until Ten. Monday I racked my brain for ideas, Would any restaurants be open? Are there any dances that late? What are we going to do? I didn't want to spend too much money and I can tell that she's the kind of girl that doesn't like guys to spend a lot of money on her. Monday night I went with Gavin to Wal-mart and it inspired me just like it always does. What do people in the movies always do for Valentine's Day? A Candle-lit Dinner! So I bought a red table cloth and candlesticks and a few other items. Tuesday was hectic. I had to take my three hour Cell Biology Test in the morning and then I had a three hour Molecular Biology Lab. I got home and only had thirty minutes to clean the house and finish getting everything ready before I had to go to work. Okay enough of preparations....On to the Date.

I picked her up at Ten and everything seemed to be going pretty good. She looked great in her dress which she partially made(I think that's awesome). We walked into the door and she saw the table set with the candles lit and she was probably surprised(hopefully not freaked out). Dinner was good and then we went to the park to swing, which was a lot of fun, and then we came back to my place for dessert. Chelsea is pretty, really cool, easy to talk to, and fun to hang out with. I must say that I took a shine to her, but unfortunately Cupid's arrow didn't so much as nick her. So, there isn't any point in me pursuing anything more than a friendship at this time. If she doesn't like me, she doesn't like me. I'm just not the kind of guy that will go to any extreme to win a girl's heart. Maybe that's my problem. It's a fact that girls like attention from guys they like, but when guys they don't like give them attention it only causes them stress. In a perfect world if a girl decided she didn't like a certain Gentleman Caller she would simply kick him in the face until he was unconscious. Sure, my nose would be broken 3/4 of the year, but at least there wouldn't be any mixed signals.

Tests

I'm about to go take my chemistry test and my genetics test. Genetics will be open book and open note, but it's timed and the problems are always pretty tough to decipher,but once you figure out what they're asking it's not too tough. Chemistry is going to eat my whole head again. I've studied the concepts, but we've been warned that the problems aren't going to be like anything we have gone over in class. I guess the days of being tested over what you have been taught are a thing of the past. In highschool you're taught how to build a ship in a bottle with only string and small pieces of wood, and then you're tested on whether or not you can tie your shoelaces. In college, they teach you how to balance a chemical equation and then test you over the most efficient way to use cold fusion. I really do enjoy the challenges that college is giving me, but when I don't succeed I can become pretty discouraged.

I have a lot to do in the next couple of days. Sure, I'm dreading my tests, but there are other things that I am really looking forward to.

A one followed by a googol zeroes

Death

A maintenance without interruption of the condition, course, or action or the continuance in the same state without fundamental or marked change of a temporary or final ceasing of all concerned with or necessary to the maintenance of a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings and the action for which the person or thing is specially fitted or used or for which the thing has real being whether being of a physical or worldly nature or of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the immaterial intelligent or sentient part of a person.

Chelsea took me to see the cadaver in the anatomy lab this afternoon. It was creepy and the image has been permanently burned into my mind. When I walked into the room I just looked at the floor until Chelsea gave me some gloves and it was time to turn around and tell that cadaver who was boss. It really did look like roast beef. She wasn't kidding. I don't know if Chelsea could tell, but I was starting to feel sick because of the smell of formaldehyde, or whatever preservative they use, and the dead cut open body lying before me. Maybe she COULD tell because we didn't stay long and she seemed surprised when I still wanted to go get roast beef sandwiches at Arby's. I'm glad she suggested it. I love Arby's.

I won't bother mentioning any other parts of the day. They just seem so insignificant when compared to seeing "roast beef" man and eating roast beef.

stuff

Not much to report. I got up and went to class. Everything was normal. I didn't work tonight so I went to FHE. It was fun. We played a form of dodge ball. Then when we got home, we realized that we missed the first 30 minutes of 24. Although I am addicted to the show, I'm not so addicted that I remember to set the VCR before going somewhere. Later on Councilina came over and I teased her and Alan a little bit more. I should get a life. Jack Baur does more in one hour than I have done in the past 21 and 11/12 years.

Another Week Bites the Dust

I made it through another week of school. I did better on my chemistry quiz but I have a long way to go if I hope to win an A. I hate classes that grade on the true curve. It makes the class nothing but competition with everyone else. A common conversation is:
"So, how did you do on the test?"
"It was really hard, but I pulled off an A"
"Crap! I hate you! Get out of my face you grade hog!"
Work also went okay. I did have a few problems with some very picky people though. I think that from now on I'll just refuse to sell suits to them. One guy came up and asked if he could try on a packaged dress shirt. I told them that I could measure him and tell him what size he needed(you see it's a pain to take all those pins and cardboard and plastic things out of a shirt and then try to put them all in again so we usually don't let people try them on.) Well after I gave him that option he said in a rude and short tempered way. "Are you gunna let me try it on or not." Maybe a few years ago I would have said, "Ok sir, I'll let you try it on." buy not now. Now I never let rude people have their way. I will not be bullied into giving anyone special treatment just because they're jerks. My response to this man was, "No." He threw the shirt on the counter and left. It felt great.
In other news, somehow I managed to get another Saturday off from work. I didn't have any plans, other than a review session on campus, so I called up Chelsea and we went to eat some icecream with chopsticks. Then we were going to go swing in the rain and wind, but alas, I locked my keys in the car, so we ended up watching a movie and swapping stories and thoughts. I had a lot of fun and enjoyed Chelsea's company. Hopefully we can do it again sometime.

Sitting in a Tree

"It takes two to tango, babe." --GMac

Alan and Councilina sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love
Then comes marriage
The comes Alan pushing a baby carriage!

Alan and Councilina Bluffs are officially dating. I, along with other individuals, knew that they were made for each other. I am very happy for them. Now I get to tease them any time I get the chance, Yea!

As for me... I have been single for almost a month now. That's not too long is it? Whenever I consider getting to know a girl better, I remember the time when a girl tore my heart out and covered it in firecrackers, lit it, and threw it into a twenty-gallon drum of gasoline, and then stomped out the flames with size 16 Combat boots.(Disclaimer: This is a slight exaggeration of how I felt) These memories are by no means enough to keep me from liking girls, but they do result in me being very cautious and less confident than before. If you hit a dog repeatedly with a rolled up newspaper every time it does something wrong, after a short while it will put it's tail between it's legs and run whenever you read the Sunday Comics. Currently girls are newspapers and I'm the abused dog. I know that none of them are rolled up and ready to strike me, but they do have that potential. Bummer. I thought that would be a good analogy of what I'm going through but it makes me look like a wimp that's afraid of his own shadow. I'm also sure that girls wouldn't want to be compared to newspapers, rolled or otherwise. For now I'll try to think of a new analogy while I get out there and meet some new girls, and take it slow. What's the rush?

The Council is Back

Life in the Slow Lane

I did some shopping today. There was a sale at Dillards so I got a pair of navy slacks, a cream colored sportcoat, a lavender tie, and a blue french-cuffed shirt. I ended up spending about 60 bucks, but it isn't bad when you consider that just the slacks themselves would have cost me 95 dollars had I bought them full price. On my way home I called Alan and Gavin. I asked a common question. "What are we going to do today?" We decided on buying massive donuts and going to Del Taco. In an attempt to have some social interaction we thought of who we could call up to come with us. After one failed attempt to call someone we went alone. (On a side note, I just had a run in with some horrible acid reflux. Some stomach acid jumped up my throat and burned me pretty bad. I remembered the simple chemistry that if you mix most acids with bases you end up with water. I have heard that milk is somewhat basic so I chugged some milk, but it didn't help so I ran to Smith's for some emergency antacid. Right when I got back to the car I opened it up and drank it directly from the bottle. The relief was instantaneous and I was left very satisfied with Kroger brand antacid. The mix of massive donut and tacos may be the culprit.) After the trip, we came back to the apartment and Gavin worked on conquering Link, the great Nintendo game, while Alan and I worked on the newspaper ball some more. Then I fell asleep on the floor and woke up to go to the ward bowling activity. I left the activity and walked home alone after five or ten minutes of being there. It's not that I don't like the ward or that I don't like bowling. I even like being in crowds of people(as long as they're complete strangers). I just don't like being in crowds of acquaintances or people that I am supposed to know. It activates my fight or flight response and I chose flight in this instance. As I walked home in the snow there was a young BYU couple walking behind me and I slipped. I didn't fall but I did wave my arms like an idiot to keep my balance. Then I turned and started walking the wrong way just so that the young couple wouldn't still be behind me. I wasn't really embarrassed, but I was afraid that if they continued to walk behind me and I did it a few more times, I WOULD be. While taking my detour I ran across the big stone sphere outside of the JSB. I had my tape measure so I measured its diameter so that I could compare it to the newspaper ball. We still have a ways to go if we want to compete with it. When I got home Lashley called and we got caught up on eachother's lives. Then I saw that my friend Abby called, so I called her back and we had a very pleasant chat. She is in Chicago and her boyfriend is working on getting his PhD. Wow. I will never get a PhD. I'm struggling for a Bachelors degree. Talking with Abby felt good. It's weird to think that we only knew each other for a short while before I left for college and my mission and I haven't seen her since March 3rd, 2003, but we have still managed to keep in touch.

Another Day

I awoke later than I would have hoped.
I ate some knock-off fruity pebbles.
I showered and shaved.
I studied.
I went to Chemistry.
Chemistry ate my whole head.
I sulked.
I got over it.
I studied.
I studied.
I microwaved and ate some frozen burritos.
I goofed off.
I took a nap.
I went to work.
I came home.
I goofed off.
I wrote this.

Now I'll randomly select one of the day's amazing activites to comment on.
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ada;lskdhf;aklhdsf;kjhakdsjhflkajhdfaflkjdhf;kajhsdiugfashdf;
ajhdgadshfloiwoiejfoiImicrowavedandatesomefrozenburritos;
aosidjfoiaeoijfoiahds a;sdhfl;auhgfhasdlfhahgiurhgoih"LSDk
;ajds;kjb;fdgbahdfjaijfoheoihqwouehr iuhruhgahhadfh

I always buy frozen burritos and eat them when doused in hot sauce. It is pretty yummy.

This insult goes out to T-N-Y-O. Your timing is a horrible cake-eater, you silly vat of incoherent lint!

You Can't Do That on Television

From 1979 to 1990 there was a great show on Nickelodeon called "You Can't do that on Television". It was a sketch comedy show that was put on by kids. In the middle of a scene if anyone said the words, "I don't know" they had slime dumped on them and if they ever mentioned water, a bucket of water would be thrown on them. I always wanted to be slimed. The immitation slime that Nick used on later shows just wasn't the same. This slime was thick and a good color of green and nasty. If you would like to learn more about the show just follow this link www.ycdtotv.com. Oh and if you want to get me an awesome birthday gift, you can try to find some of the episodes for me. Or you could slime me.

Chile con Queso

For the past 6 months or so I have said that there are only two things keeping me from dropping out of school and leaving the country. One of those "things" vanished a few weeks ago and only one is left and I'm starting to question whether or not that one connection is strong enough to keep me from doing it. I have thought a lot about how great it would be to just go back to Chile and leave everything behind. I could sell ice cream on the busses or teach English or work at a department store selling suits. I could return to the US periodically to get a job and earn money and then go back to Chile and live off of that money for a long time. If I got sick of Chile I could go to Europe or anywhere else. I am one hundred percent positive that if my circumstances were just a tiny bit different I would do it. But my situation is what it is and my best option at the moment is to continue with school and get a degree. One thing is certain; however. If the day of graduation arrives and I have no "significant other" or career lined up, I will immediately leave.

Drained

The last couple of days have left me feeling like a vampire has sucked all my blood, or maybe like I am a tiny person and a three pound mosquito has been latched on to me since my ninth birthday. I had to do inventory at work. Saturday I worked from 9:45 am to 3:00 Pm and then went back to work and stayed from 9:00 pm until 4:00 am. I was so worn out that when I woke up on Sunday my roommates were already back from church. Then yesterday I worked from 3:00pm until 3:00am. Torture.

The weekend wasn't a total waste however. On Saturday during my time off I was able to enjoy a thrilling game of Catch Phrase with Alan, Gavin, Councilina Bluffs, Chelsea, Pottowattamie, and Whitney. Fun was had by all. We even found another use for the newspaper ball: You can pass it around and use the words on it to play Catch Phrase.(I can't believe we didn't think of it sooner). Even though I'm behind on my schoolwork I am very happy that my time off was spent having fun and not doing homework. Oh well, I suppose that I shouldn't waste all my tuition money. In fact I need to go to my Cell Biology class right now. Good Bye.

A Great Blessing

It's a miracle! Intrepid is alive! I am so grateful to the nice lady at the local Checkers Car Parts store, the manager of the apartments where I live, and Alan for all their help. Thanks to their quick thinking and knowledge we were able to free her from the cold and unforgiving grip of death. Today I'm just going to let her rest, but tomorrow we'll be back on the road. I'm afraid that even on this day of miracles I have some unsettling news to report... I had to drop my sewing class. I was sitting in class today, working on some samples that will be due soon and I realized that in order to finish them I would have to come in outside of class to work on them. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I already spend 8 hours a week in that class. After considering that this class will not give me credit towards my major, minor, or GE requirements in any way and that dropping it would free up 8 hours a week that could be used to study, travel, meet new people, serve in the community, draw, write my memoirs, date, cook, organize my affairs, do laundry, call my family, add to the apartment newspaper ball, teach myself how to sew, buy food, add phone numbers to my cell phone, change my screensaver, suck the helium out of balloons and sing Interpol songs, contemplate my purpose in this world, become certified in CPR, live life to its fullest, laugh, cry, borrow things and then return them promptly, expand my vocabulary, reestablish contact with long lost acquaintances, study, make snap judgments, whittle, beat Gavin in a game of one-on-one, whistle, develop courage, fix the blinds, joust, tell stories, listen to stories, go to Brazil and annoy Cuonicl Buflfs, and juggle, I decided that dropping the course was my only real option.

Intrepid

My car is dead. The poor Intrepid made a few croaking noises yesterday, but today only silence. I would like to take a moment to remember some of the good times we have shared. One day while I was in Oregon I decided that I wanted to buy a car. I went to a lot and the first car I saw was the beautiful bluish-green 1997 Dodge Intrepid. Until that moment I didn't believe in love at first site. I rushed to the bank the next day and pulled out a large chunk of my savings so that I could pay cash for my new car. She was too precious for monthly payments, I wanted her to be mine immediately. Even if I had known that our time together would be so short I still would have taken her home with me. Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

We have been on many adventures since that moment. I had to leave Oregon sooner that expected and my Intrepid took me all the way to my new home in Utah. She didn't complain or ask why. She just knew that I needed her and she did what she could to make my journey comfortable. In Utah she took me to find my new job and helped me get groceries and supplies for my new home. She was always so reliable. We got into trouble in Idaho as we searched for the elusive Civil defense Caves. We accidentally took a wrong turn and ended up on a dangerous dirt road not even suitable for a Monster Truck. Poor Intrepid received many wounds on this trip as she tried to protect me and my friends, but she got us out safe and carried us all the way back to Utah. Later my daring Intrepid accompanied me on a second attempt to conquer the caves. This time we found them and she waited outside as another friend and I explored the caves' depths. Just before Christmas we came home from work and I decided that I wanted to go to Las Vegas. I made reservations at the Sahara and surprised Intrepid in the morning. She was so excited. That's one thing I really love about her. She is always ready to pick up and go somewhere at a moments notice. It kills me to see her like this. She can't move. I turn the key and nothing happens. I don't know how I could go on without her. I can't! I can't go on without her! I have to save her! SURELY SOMETHING CAN BE DONE!

Alan had a bad day.

Oh, and there will be a swine flu.