Opening of the Vaughn Vault

"When I had a safe, I was a child. When I forgot the combination to that safe, I was a child. When I opened the safe without a combination, I became a man." --Ralph Waldo Emerson ....or not

I did have a safe as a kid and I also forgot the combination. My parents have been lugging it around with them every time they move, but a couple of weeks ago they brought it with them when they visited. After a couple of minutes trying to listen for clicks while turning the dial, Alan and I decided that brute force would be the best way to crack this safe. With the help of a hammer and Alan's tire iron, we did it.

What was so important that it had to be kept in a safe? COMIC BOOKS!!! Oh Yeah!

When I was Nine

If nine-year-old Kyle were to talk to me now he'd say...

What happened to your dream of being a kindergarten cop?! You were going to go undercover and catch bad guys while showing kindergarten kids how cool you are. And why aren't you friends with Garrett anymore. You didn't even invite him to your wedding! He was supposed to be your best man! Oh, well, it's cool that you're married. It's cool that you can drive and buy things with credit cards and stuff. Utah's kind of boring, but you're a scientist. That's awesome! You get to where a lab coat and use a microscope! There are some things you need to do right now. First, start that knife collection that mom wouldn't let you have for fear of you sleep walking and murdering the entire family. Then, learn to play the guitar. You're no one if you're not in a band! That's pretty much it. Bye.

Wow, I think I may have disappointed nine-year-old Kyle, but I have a feeling that he'll be happy when he gets to where I am.

The Appearance of Evil

So, here's what's up. LDS folks don't drink alcohol or coffee. What do we do for fun?! That's why we should open a bar/hot chocolate place called "The Appearance of Evil" (Borrowed from 1 Thessalonians 5:22 ). We'll only serve virgin drinks, near beer, and fancy hot chocolates. Now we'll have a place to meet people, unwind, talk about our problems, and have a good time. We'll just make sure people have a designated driver in case they've had one Shirley Temple or Roy Rogers too many.

Would it fly? I've hear of people going to Applebee's for virgin drinks. They spend five or six bucks for a glorified fruit juice. And tons of people go to Starbucks for a hot chocolate or caramel apple cider. Why not have fun mixed drinks in cool glasses with fancy garnishes and a delicious variety of hot chocolates and ciders all in one place?

Perspective

Take a look around you. Take a good hard look at everyone in the room with you. One of them will be dead at the end of the day (assuming of course that you are currently in a room containing a random sample of 5000 Americans). By dividing the number of people who die every day in the United States by the population of the United States, I decided that I have a 0.02% chance of dying any given day. I like my odds. I'm pretty sure I'm going to live forever. Get used to me.

That being said, my website is up and running! Here's a link.

Vaughn Life Coaching, LLC

Vaughn Life Coaching, LLC

It's official! My business license came in the mail today. I am now the proud owner of Vaughn Life Coaching, LLC. That means I can start taking in paying clients. Now I can transform this very good unprofitable business into a very good profitable one. I guess you could say I'm unintentionally a non-profit organization. I hope to change that shortly though.

For those who are wondering, here's what happened. At the end of last year the following idea popped into my head, "I want to be a life coach!" It started out as a joke because I thought it would be ridiculous for me to actually do it, but the more I thought of it, the more feasible it seemed. I realized the following...

1. I love self-help books. I love reading them and talking about them and applying them.

2. A career as a lab technician or the supervisor of lab technicians is no longer appealing and breaking into cancer research would involve going back to school until I'm 32, not making much money, working my way up the ranks in some organization, and fighting for grants until the day I die which will also quite possible be the day when I realize that cancer still isn't cured and I failed. I'd probably die of cancer too. Ironic. These are all sacrifices I am not willing to make.

3. While I thought I was anti-social and never wanted to deal with people, working alone in a lab all day has taught me that I actually do like dealing with people on a personal level, taking interest in their lives, and even helping them if I can. The anti-social attitude that I accepted as a part of my introverted nature was merely based on a limiting belief that conversation simply wasn't my forte and I was better suited to walking past someone else's conversation, throwing in a sarcastic comment, and going on my merry way. I still believe myself to be introverted, but that doesn't have to be synonymous with anti-social.

4. After a couple months of coaching, I've realized that I love it! It's fun, it gives me energy, and I feel like I have a natural talent for it that can be developed over time. As I coach other people, I also coach myself. That has made me a happier and more well-rounded person.

5. There's low risk. If I can't find clients, or get bored of coaching, or decide that working at Dillards again will be really fun, I don't lose the kind of capital that goes into starting other kinds of businesses.

So, while it started out as a light-hearted joke so that I could say things like, "As your life coach I advise you to give me that brownie" or "As your life coach I say you date so and so", I'm serious now and have formed a business that I hope will develop into a full time career. In short, this isn't like the time I became an ordained minister online.

Heart

Am I in love? Well, of course I am, but that's not what this is about. Yesterday we went to the doctor and he found a heartbeat in Becca's stomach! I thought to myself. Holy cow! What did she eat? Whatever it was, its still alive. Needless to say I was a little freaked out. Luckily I had no reason to be worried. It turns out that Becca's pregnant! That heartbeat was just the heart of the baby that will be the next member of our family. I'm gonna be a dad. That's so much better that having a wife that eats live beating hearts. Overall I'd say it was a good day.

Retraction

It turns out that not all creatures need to be saved. The Mucinex species is a prime example. You would think the graphic image of a family of boogers being sneezed and coughed out of a human host would be a great advertising campaign wouldn't you? Um...no. Somehow I doubt I'll be reaching for mucinex for my decongestant needs.

Another thing. What's with the anti smoking commercials?! I am THIS CLOSE to taking up smoking and buying cigarettes for kids just to show them that their tactics are ineffective and unappreciated. I don't want to see brains cut in half and gunk squeezed out of who knows what. People blowing smoke in my face is far less offensive!

Olympic Games

There are some great things about the Olympics. It's fun to see sports other than Basketball and Football. I like seeing different countries compete and for the most part get along. I also like seeing different countries compete and sometimes cause a bit of controversy. It's also cool that the United States tends to clean up as far as the medal count is concerned. One great thing about being in a country where I know we'll end up with a ton of medals is that I can be happy for competitors from other countries when they win.

On the other hand, there are some things I really hate about the Olympics. I don't like how the difference between a gold medal and no medal can be a tenth of a second in a race or a tenth of a point in a subjectively judged competition. I guess it's ok because the same people seem to consistently win by that hundredth of a second, so it must be a measure of who is the better athlete, but come on, we need high tech timing devices to be able to tell who won! Oh, and this isn't a big deal, but I don't like the medals this year. Too wavy.

I know what it's like to be second place when first place is so close. It's called Doodle. I was almost the world champion of this online game. I would play it for hours and almost perfected the sport, but I could never beat some guy in Greece. His name was cyprusisgreek and he will haunt my dreams until my dying day.

Avoid Him!!!!

This is the Noid. Avoid the Noid! Man, I really miss this guy. I feel like it was irresponsible of society to avoid him into extinction. Does not our great power to impact the environment require us to take care to conserve the species we displace? Do we not contend to be more than animals following the law of survival of the fittest? While quite possibly the fittest, is living without the beauty and diversity of nature really surviving?










The Noid is gone forever and younger generations have never seen a living 7up Spot.







They are gone, but it's not too late for some of their friends. With your help, we can save these beautiful creatures.

New Year, New Resolutions

So far I've been quite pleased with 2010. This feels like my year, although, according to Chinese Restaurants my year is the year of the rat and won't happen again until I'm 36. Speaking of being 36, I'm trying really hard to be more athletic, or rather make people think I'm athletic. Being athletic was never a priority for me when I was younger. I attribute this to the fact that I associated athleticism with popularity, and I associated popularity with jerkiness. It seems more and more important as I get older though. The person I want to be plays tennis, runs 3 miles a day, throws around a football with friends, etc... I don't want that to be what my life is about, but I want it to be a part of my life. The principle road block in achieving this is the fact that I have vehemently avoided any form of physical activity for the past 25 years. I gots no skillz yo! I've never been good at throwing a football. When I play tennis I'm really good at knocking the ball over the fence, but unfortunately home runs don't count in tennis. As for running, I usually push myself too hard and fall down in a sweaty sick heap of asthma. Gross. Anyway. Being more athletic is a goal of mine this year.

Neti Pot

Today a coworker introduced me to the joy of the neti pot. I'll never drink my tea the same way again.

Know Thyself

My tongue is absolutely destroyed. We got in a shipment of citric acid and I went to town. Once I felt the burning I drank a ton of water and did my best to dilute the acid and minimize the damage, but it was to no avail. I hope it doesn’t ruin our New Year’s Eve celebration tonight. Becca doesn’t know it, but I’m going to leave work early to start the celebration sonner than planned. That way we can spend more time anticipating midnight, the end of the old us, and the beginning of the new us.

Phrenology is very interesting to me. I like to take the little I know about it and assume I know everything. I have a ridge in my skull that indicates Approbativeness, Concientiosness, and Hope. Other bumps indicate Combativeness and Vitativeness. I feel like I’m learning a lot about myself. The problem is that my diagnosis changes depending on the chart I look at. They all seem to be pretty different. I think I’ll do it with all the charts until I find the one that seems to be the most accurate description of my thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and aptitudes. That’s good science right? If that chart is correct for me, it would be correct for everyone right? Of course it would be.

Vitativeness. I had to look up what this one means. Apparently it is the love of life and fear of death. I suppose I love life and fear death. Suicide has never been that appealing to me. Mostly because I think it’s inconsiderate, rather than because of a fear of death. You cause so much paperwork for people, and someone has to find you, and they have to clean up whatever mess you made. Even if I felt like no one would miss me and everyone would be better off, I think of the poor person who has to type up the police report.

Approbativeness. I had to look this one up too. I think it’s the desire for praise and recognition. That sounds like me. If it means the desire to give praise and recognition, no, that’s not me. Needless to say, the self-esteem section of my skull is as flat as a pancake.

If the mole on my head counts as a bump, it represents Secretiveness. Cool. From now on I’ll refer to my mole as my “sneaky mole”, but only in a whisper.

The First Real Snow!

It's the first real snow of the season, and I am so excited! It's time for snowmen, snowball fights, snow angels, snow tag, snow fiscal planning, and snow reading news online! It's time for Christmas music, which I'm listening to right now, hot chocolate, which I'll be having a little bit later, and wrapping presents, which Becca has taken care of so far this year.

This year is a Vaughn Christmas, so we're headed to Amarillo for a week. I think the last time we went was for Braxton's wedding. I'm looking forward to seeing friends and family that I haven't seen in a while and eating at Rosa's Cafe Tortilla Factory! If you are ever going anywhere in Texas you should go here first and see if there is a Rosa's near by. If you have a GPS in your car, I would recommend marking all the locations, just in case.

Just because it's snowing doesn't mean we can't still enjoy some summertime pleasures. Today we're having a cookout on our balcony. The menu includes steak, grilled asparagus, rolls, fettuccine, and fruit punch. I'm salivating. I really am. This is going to be good.

Becca!!! Come Back!!!

I'm fine. I don't need anyone. I'm independent. :,(

What I learned today.

The reason chicken has to be cooked all the way through is that it is spongier than beef and pork. Steak and pork are thick enough that all the bacteria stays on the surface of the meet so a quick toss on the grill is enough to kill any bad stuff. Chicken on the other hand has bacteria throughout and therefore needs to be cooked all the way through to ensure a safe piece of meat.

Something about me.

An episode of "Friends" has made me cry.

What I'm Doing

I'm watching a Disney Channel movie. I just had a corn dog for dinner, so I'm thinking of getting something else to eat before I call it a night. I'm living the dream.

So kind. So caring.

KJV was right!
He's pardoning a turkey in each picture! I love this tradition. I hope it continues with Obama.

What's He Up To?

Here are some pictures of George W. Bush. Can you guess what he is doing in each picture? Here are some options to choose from. Not all options will be used and options can be used more than once.

Giving a speech

Dodging a shoe

Telling a joke

Signing a document

Cutting a cake

Pardoning a turkey

Checking out Condoleeza Rice

Receiving a Medal

I love George W. Bush. Can you believe people still call him a war monger? Look at the guy! That's ridiculous. Okay, Okay, everyone has a right to call him a war criminal or whatever if they want, but I reserve the right to call Obama a communist. Fair is fair.

I'm home alone again. Becca is paying California a visit. Today I took her to the airport, came home and cleaned. Then I went to Home Depot to get supplies for some little projects I wanted to do. Now the house is clean and the projects are done and I still have a lot of night left. I think I'll watch TV until I pass out. Oh yeah, and our couch came today! It's beautiful. I'd take a picture, but the batteries are dead in my camera and I'm sure Becca has hers with her in California. I may blog about it later, but most likely I'll just wait and let Becca do it. She's better at that kind of thing than me.

Eliza

"My name is Eliza."

"I'm trapped in a baby's body."

"AND I CAN'T GET OUT!"

"At least I don't have work tomorrow. Suckers."

Scarf

I like to wear it...

I like to do it...

A Very Long Wait

Raise your hand if you have ever found yourself at the end of a very long line of people and your only consolation is that although you have not moved forward in the line for the past half hour, the line has grown behind you giving you the illusion of progress and making you appreciate that at least you're not one of the bozos who happened to show up a couple minutes later than yourself. Thank you, you may put down your hands now. Waiting to move in to our condo is SO MUCH WORSE! Can you believe it?! WORSE. I feel like I walked up to the door and knocked. Someone answered and said, "What can I do for you." I responded, "I would like to purchase this home." They replied, "Why of course! Just wait one second". The door closed and I've been standing in the same place waiting for the door to open again for a month. Sometimes I hear footsteps and I think they're coming to end my wait, but inevitably the footsteps fade away along with my hope. With any luck, we'll have the keys Tuesday or Wednesday though.

Raise your hand if seeing bratty no good rotten children in public or on shows like Super Nanny actually make you WANT to have children. MY hand is raised. Part of me believes that I will never have children who behave so poorly, and another part of me likes the idea of a good challenge. I'm already looking up brainwashing techniques. Am I tempting fate? I don't know, and what I don't know can't hurt me.

Raise your hand if you think feminist blogs are comedy's gift to man. I'm not even talking about their hatred of men or outrage over things that men do, or contempt for women who like men. I'm talking about the funny pictures and videos they post. You know what? I recognize that women are treated differently than men, and you know what? It can be funny sometimes. I'm pretty sure that's the point they want to get across. www.feministing.com

Hey, how's it going?

Long time no blog. Thank you for reading my blog. It makes it feel good about itself. I was talking to it just the other day and it was all like, "You know what? a lot of cool people read me, and I hope some of their coolness rubs off on me". I agree. A lot of cool people read this blog. I know of one absolute moron who reads it too, but everyone else is cool.

Some stuff happened, so here's the HEADLINES.

Kyle, Becca Leave Apartment. Complex Mourns.

Becca, Spouse Move in with Council Bluffs, Emily. Neighborhood Rejoices.

EXTRA: Vaughns Buy Condo in Springville.

LA Wins Pennant thanks to Angels in the Outfield!