Friday, September 12, 2008

Bear Grylls, Expensive Cars, etc...

Tonight will be a relaxing evening at home with my wife. Becca isn't feeling well, so rest and plenty of fluids will be our nightlife. She's sitting right next to me reading a book about Bear Grylls that I gave her for her Birthday last year. Becca, what's your favorite thing about Bear Grylls? "He has a nephew named Mungo". I think her true favorite thing is the way he drinks his own urine, or compares the color of his urine to the color of his friend's urine. Tonight we also need to clean the house so that Christy never knows how messy our apartment usually is. In it's current state I doubt that Bear Grylls himself could make it from the door to the kitchen. And if he did, he'd have to drink his own urine on the way. 

I'm introducing a new feature on my blog. It's the Tip of the Day. The Tip of the Day doesn't represent the views or opinions of this blogger or his followers. It's meant to be either satirical, sarcastic, silly, or just plain stupid. I love playing devil's advocate. I'd make it a career, but the devil doesn't offer a good 401K. And he doesn't have any scruples. I just can't respect an unholy demon bent on the destruction and captivity of our souls that doesn't have any scruples. 

Tip of the Day - Family Finance
The only way to have enough money to pay for your children's college education is to not have any kids. Is this extreme? Maybe it's possible to do it by just having one less kid. First, decide how many children you want and then have one less. Let's say that number is four for the sake of this tip. It costs about 736,000 dollars to raise four children in a middle class home in the United Stated. If you only have three, you save 184,000 dollars! That leaves you with more than 60,000 dollars per kid. That will pay for a top of the line education. If you're really good at family finance, you won't have a family at all. With that 736,000 dollar "no kid bonus", you could buy this LeBlanc Mirabeau and enough gas to run it for twenty years.




It's a two-seater, which is great. Enough room for you and your groceries on your way back to your lonely apartment so you can eat two and a half bags of Doritos and then lick the processed cheese powder off your fingers while watching Cheaper by the Dozen. 

2 comments:

Becca said...

I thought you said that the Tip of the Day DIDN'T reflect your real beliefs?

Lauren R said...

The old Cheaper by the Dozen or the Steve Martin version?