Friday, December 21, 2007

My Fate is Sealed

I don't have to worry about anything anymore. Everything is out of my hands. I'm out of the frying pan and into the fire. Catch 22. Ipso facto. So many wonderful things are happening that to enumerate them would leave you out of breath and out of numbers. I'll do my best to hit a few of the highlights.

Christmas was great. Becca and I managed to get a time machine off of ebay for 20 bucks. We used it to go back in time to November 21, 1963 to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy, but it was no use because the next day some guy named Lee Harvey Oswald shot him anyway. How lame. We decided that changing history wasn't for us, and we weren't even all that good at it. Since we were anxious for Christmas to come and we had a time machine, we made it Christmas! It was really nice and I got a really cool watch from Becca, the most beautirific girl this side of pluto, and the other side of pluto as a matter of fact. The watch is comfortable, cool, and the colors go well with everything I own. As for the time machine, I sent it to myself 20 years from now. Since I haven't come back to give myself warnigs of what is to come, I assume I'm severly overweight, bald, and ill-tempered. I'm just too ashamed to see myself, so instead, I'm in the future eating a sphere of pringles and watching episodes of Seinfeld on my XDTV.

Finals ate my whole head as usual. I fully expect to fail at least one class. That means another year at BYU. Oh well, at least Becca will be going to school with me. I'll need the moral support to keep from dropping out of school and going door to door selling knife sharpener sharpeners. 'Cause when you think about it, what are you supposed to do when your knife sharpener gets dull? Speaking of Becca, she's the best. I can't believe we've been dating 4 months in a row! That's a huge deal for me. I am very pleased with the way things are going.

I'm doing laundry now, then I'll pack, but first I'll go to five buck pizza, and last I'll read some Harry Potter and go to bed. Then, tomorrow I'll fight my way through the holiday traffic to Amarillo. The trick is to pick the biggest guy in line and tell him that his government is a less than pleasant drawer of used tissues. Then when he takes a swing at you, duck. He'll hit the old lady in line behind you and then the skateboard punks will jump in. During the chaos you make your move to the front of the line where you take off your coat and put on sunglasses so that no one is the wiser.


Becca said...

An overweight bald Kyle would be adorable.

Alan said...

But your government really IS a less than pleasant drawer of used tissues, you grotesque wad of really bad galoshes!