Lies to Tell My Children

Kids will believe anything, right? So the following are lies I will tell my children…

1. I invented the winky emoticon ; ) 
2. I went to high school with Zac Efron 
3. I wrote the lyrics to Will Smith’s “Gettin' jiggy wit it” 
4. Cell Phones were called “pimp talkas” till 2004 
5. The Democratic Party was formed when Nazis and Communists reached a compromise. 
6. Dentists aren’t allowed to go to another dentist. 
7. The idea of fashion design was started by FDR as part of the New Deal. It was meant to keep effeminate men out of the unemployment lines…where they were frequently ridiculed. 
8. “Longitude” is the worst cuss word anyone could say.
9. Hot dogs got their name because of the factories where dogs would make them before the labor laws were changed and dogs were no longer permitted to earn a decent living....It was hot in the factories.
10. I once had a tattoo of a rhino...on my face.