Why I Would Be an Awful Film Critic

When I watch a movie, I want to see good likeable characters living out happy lives. I don't want the guy and girl to be mad at each other due to some misunderstanding. I don't want the superhero to lose his powers. I don't want anyone to die...ever. There can be conflict in the form of bad guys that have to be defeated, but the main character has to do the right thing every time and there can never be any question that he will succeed. The hero can be willing to sacrifice his life to save someone, but in the end everything has to turn out okay. Only happy endings.

So, my perfect movie would be the cheesiest, most boring, most shallow movie ever created. 

On a separate note, spell check is telling me "likeable" is spelled incorrectly. Is it really "likable" it just looks wrong for some reason.

Depersonalization

I had my first depersonalization episode last night. It worried me at the time, because it seemed really weird and a little scary, but I just went to bed hoping everything would be normal in the morning. Luckily I was right. It turns out depersonalization is extremely common so it's funny I don't remember ever hearing about it before. It's also nothing to worry about. One isolated episode isn't indicative of any mental illness although I admit I felt like I was going crazy.

You may find this interesting, but I won't go into too much detail because there is a chance you may not find this interesting. It was about ten o'clock at night and I was flipping through tv channels to confirm that nothing good was on and everything was still right with the world. I then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. I mean...I recognized myself as if my reflection were an acquaintance of mine, but not ME. I looked at myself and moved my lips and scrunched up my nose, but the movements were unfamiliar and disconnected as if someone were copying my movements, but not even very well. I felt there was a slight time lag between my movements and the movements in the mirror. I felt like I was in an episode of Quantum Leap.

I then started to ask myself, if this reflection isn't mine what do I EXPECT myself to look like? I couldn't answer that. I finally decided that something weird was going on and I should stop looking in the mirror and just go to sleep before I really freaked myself out.

Walking to bed everything felt uncertain and unreal. I was afraid that I was dreaming and the dream could turn into a nightmare. I imagined a monster breaking down the door and coming after me. Due to my strange frame of mind it felt entirely possible, so I curled up and just hoped I would either fall asleep or wake up before it happened.

Okay, I went into more detail than I planned. I apologize. Anyway, I recognize myself just fine now and feel nicely anchored in reality.

Words of Wisdom and Math

So in math you have this thing called division

If you divide a pie, for example, by eight. You end up with eight pieces of pie.

That's why you can't divide by zero. How do you divide a pie into zero pieces?

Actually, when pie is concerned. Dividing by zero is equivalent to dividing by 500.

Because if you divide a pie 500 times, you have zero pieces of pie.

Thank you for you attention.

Why I Won't be Seeing The Book of Mormon Musical

On Facebook I saw a link to an article entitled "Why I Won't be Seeing the Book of Mormon Musical". I didn't read the article, but it's the inspiration for this post. So, here are MY reasons for not seeing it.

• I never liked South Park
• Tickets are like 175 buckaroonies a piece
• It's in New York
• It's probably pretty offensive
• I don't particularly like musicals of any kind
• We would need a babysitter 
• I wouldn't know how to dress for it

I know this list has enriched your lives. So, most of my blogging energy has been going into my coaching blog or leaving comments on Alan's blog after every holiday. I should really post here more often. Lately I've been working, playing with Ruby, and sleeping. I should really have more adventures so I have something to post here more often. That leaves me with insights from my unique point of view as a 27 year old, white, middle-class, male. A Mormon who went to BYU, served a mission in South America, went back to BYU where he met his wife, and now lives in Utah. Oh wait! That's right! My point of view isn't unique at all! 

I'm watching Ruby right now so Becca can sleep in. Ruby is currently trying to eat our new camera. She only has two teeth, so I'm not worried about her getting very far. It's in a bag too. Now she got herself stuck in a corner and is trying to navigate herself out of it. She just said "dada". As far as I can tell, "dada" means "I like to make sounds and dada happens to be one of them". Now she's working on the camera again. 

In summary, I'm happy. We're anticipating some changes in our lives, but for now, we're just enjoying the present by hanging out with friends, eating good food, and watching horrible movies. 

I've Been Poisoned!

Food poisoning that is. At least it sure seemed like food poisoning. I don't want to believe it though, because that means one of my favorite restaurants tried to kill me! That leaves me with only three options.

1. Risk my life for a mushroom, bacon, bleu cheese, and buffalo sauce burger with a side of fries by going again.
2. Be unhappy forever by never going again.
3. Lick every doorknob and remote control I come into contact with for the next few months in an effort to build up an immune system capable of combating a healthy dose of contaminated mushrooms.

In the mean time... funny video below! Don't watch all of it. The first thirty seconds is enough to get the idea.

I'm 27!

I'm getting closer and closer to 30! The great thing about my birthday is that I make resolutions at New Year's, and don't keep them, but then I can make new resolutions at Chinese New Year and not keep them, but then I can make new resolutions again at my birthday and...we'll see. Third time's a charm, right?

It has been a great birthday weekend. Yesterday, we went out to a restaurant called Magelby's while Katy graciously watched our child for us. Magelby's is a fancy-for-our-simple-tastes restaurant here in Springville. We learned that the downstairs, which always seems fancier and nicer than upstairs, is where they serve steak and seafood. We wanted to sit downstairs, but we also wanted chicken and pasta, so we sat upstairs with the riff raff. Becca's food and the cake was REALLY good. My food was, okay. The waiter was funny. Every time he spoke to us he took this weird "please don't hit me" stance. It made me feel a little uncomfortable, yet powerful.

Today, we had my birthday breakfast and I opened my presents. Later tonight I believe some friends are coming over to celebrate me and how wonderful it has been to have me in their lives for another year. Becca got me a  ton of really awesome presents. The best was a book she made that is filled with pictures, funny comics, and nice things she forced people to say about me. When I say she made the book, I don't mean she made it on the computer and then had it printed. She actually MADE the book. She took a neat old book and used the cover and filled it with paper and scapbooked the heck out of it. It turned out great, and I love it. And I love her.

Perfect Intersection

I've been meaning to blog about this. It happened a month ago and I'm still thinking about it, so it must be a pretty big stinking deal. 4 cars arrived at the intersection at the same time and everyone could do what they needed to do at the same time. IT WAS AMAZING!!! There was still a slight hesitation as everyone thought, "there's no way this can actually be happening.

Happy New Year!!!

I'm Betty White's biggest fan!!! I can safely say that I was the first person to say that this year. That means I hold the title until 2012.

Last Post of the Year

6:00pm
This is it. I'm not posting until next year. I'm sick with a cold and sitting home alone. I'm okay though because I have some Sunkist, Li'l Smokies, and Cookies n' Cream ice cream. Later on I'll be watching the new Karate Kid movie from Netflix. For now I'm flipping through channels and watching funny Youtube videos. Here's one I just found.



6:40pm
I've tried this. It's amazing! I never knew how inefficient I was at taking my shirt off. I'll be doing it at midnight to celebrate. Sorry you can't be here to see it.



7:00pm
The new Rocky movie is on. I can't remember anything about it. Does that mean I can watch it again, or does it mean it's not worth watching?

8:11pm
TV is really letting me down! When should I start watching Karate Kid? I think it'll have to be soon. Videos like these continue to entertain me though.



9:00pm
Rocky was pretty good! I am absolutely insane with amazement that a guy with a half paralyzed face, a beautician father, and the name Sylvester could create such notoriously tough characters like Rambo and Rocky. I also find it interesting that some of the few republicans in Hollywood are Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, and Kelsey Grammer. That's right. Join the Republican Party and you'll have Rambo, The Terminator, Walker Texas Ranger, John McClane, and Frasier Crane in your corner. Those are some tough cookies. If you prefer Sean Penn, well, good luck with that.



11:15pm
So far I'm loving the new Karate Kid. The age group is maybe a little too young, but I still like it. I think seeing teenagers beat each other up is more exciting than preteens.

11:50pm
Karate Kid is over. Now I'm watching Reba McEntire singing on Fox. Not really how I want to end this year. Hmmm... Ryan Seacrest isn't any better and Dick Clark makes me sad. NBC, don't let me down! Carson Daly? Well, I guess he's as good as it's gonna get. You and me Carson. Let's bring in the new year.

11:59pm

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

Decisive, Derisive, or Divisive

I need to be one of these three things, but I can’t decide which one. Oh wait, now I can! I’m decisive! I did it!

These phrases will no longer be common in my vocabulary when making a decision.

What do YOU want?
I’m up for anything
Whatever
I don’t care
I don’t know

When making a decision that involves other people, my main focus is usually determined by what I think other people want me to decide. This is very considerate/annoying of me. If Becca asks me what I want for dinner, chances are she’s asking because she wants to know what I want for dinner. When deciding I need to first evaluate my wants and needs, then I’m allowed to ask, “What might Becca want?”, but if the answer to that question is I’m not sure, or I don’t know, it can’t be taken into consideration when making my decision. Too often I’ll debate in my mind for hours about whether or not Becca secretly wants to eat out, or stay in, or cook something fancy, or make some Kraft Mac n’ Cheese, that no decision is ever made by me. If; however, I remember that Becca has been wanting to try a new Indian dish, and that sounds like fun to me, I can say, “How about you make a list of ingredients for that Chicken Tikka Masala and I’ll run to the store and pick them up?”

My desire to please other people also results in me deferring to “I don’t know, what do YOU want to do?” OMG, other than “OMG” that is the most annoying thing I can say. It’s such a cop out! It says “I’m too weak and pathetic and lazy and unintelligent and indecisive and absentbackboned to think of anything. You do all the work for me instead” Here is a better way...

Scenario 1

Someone in group: “What should we do?”
Kyle: (First activity with positive connotations that pops into my head) “Let’s watch Seinfeld!”

Scenario 2

Becca: “Kyle, what do you want to do?”
Kyle: (First activity with positive connotations that pops into my head) “Watch Seinfeld!”

Okay, I see a problem with this method now. Seinfeld will ALWAYS be the answer. Let’s make it the second activity with positive connotations that pops into my head.

Finished Christmas Shopping for my Side of the Family

We were on top of things this year. We started getting Christmas gifts back in August, or maybe even earlier. I can’t remember, but it was dang early. This means that we can sit back and relax without feeling any gift related stress. Well, that’s not entirely true. Becca and I haven’t bought each other any gifts yet. I do have an idea of what I want to get her. It’s just a matter of going out in to the world and seeing if what I want to get her…A: exists and B: is within our budget. If I can’t find it, I’ll give her a coupon for ten free hugs instead. I know what you’re thinking. Lame, right? Wrong! THIS coupon can be used on anyone and they have to give you the hug. It’s legally binding (almost, I’m still trying to push the legislation through congress). So she can call up Michael Caine, Bear Grylls, Carrot Top, Mathew Perry, Phil Donahue, Lady Gaga, Bill Murray, George W. Bush, Jared Padalecki, and Jensen Ackles to have the most memorable group hug in the history of the United States. Who would be on your list for a group hug?

Got a Flu Shot

I don’t worry about the flu shot being dangerous, but I don’t worry about the Flu that much either, so I never get the shot. This time Becca and I did it for Ruby’s sake. I figure there is zero chance that me getting a flu shot could hurt Ruby, but somewhat of a chance it could help her, so why not? Plus it was free.

The topic of vaccines reminds me that Ruby had her two month vaccinations. It was so sad! She cried and cried and cried. Now that she actually has tears, it’s really sad when she cries like that. I ended up going out in the Great Blizzard of 2010 to get her some baby Tylenol, but I’m glad I did because it seemed to help.

I tend to group different beliefs together as if they’re a package deal. Sometimes I immediately discount something because it’s in the same package as other things I don’t agree with. For example, I never worry about vaccines and plan on giving Ruby all of them, mainly because it’s recommended, but secondarily because I group not giving your children vaccines with organic food, which I hate. It would have been the same thing with circumcision if we had a boy. I can’t think of any reason why circumcision would be necessary, but I associate NOT circumcising your baby boy with organic food, so I would probably look up articles that support circumcision in order to justify it. I haven’t bothered seriously researching global warming for the same reason. If the global warming people win, somehow that translates to me having to eat organic food. You see, as a microbiologist, when I read “organic” on a product it means “contaminated”. I don’t consider it healthier in any way shape or form. The only thing that makes it healthier is that they don’t make organic Snickers. Call me old fashioned, but I’d rather have low levels of pesticides in my foods than the pests themselves.

Basically, liberals would have a better chance of converting me to their ideals if it weren’t for Organic Food.

Bought Some LemiShine So Our Dishes Can Actually Look Clean

Our water is so hard, people use it to sharpen their diamond drill bits. Our water is so hard, it makes my abs jealous. Our water is so hard, Deep Thought can't solve it. Our water is so hard, Jack Bauer chose to sleep in when the president called to say it was about to attack LA.

Simple rinse agents won't cut it. The only thing that has worked so far is LemiShine. Our dishes were always cloudy and just got worse and worse. I thought we had bad detergent that wasn't washing off. Then I saw a bottle of LemiShine at Wal-Mart and the picture on the package showed our exact problem.

I bought it, tried it, and there's no going back. Our dishwasher still isn't that great. We have to rinse off our dishes before they go in there, but at least the washer doesn't make the dishes look dirtier.

If you have this problem...get this product.

Watched "The Walking Dead"

If on Sunday night you turn on your TV and change the channel to AMC, you WILL see the Walking Dead. They show the previous week's episode, and then the new episode, and then they replay the new episode. Needless to say, they are a wee bit excited about this show. WITH GOOD REASON! It's a TV show about zombies. The violence may be graphic at times and it may not be for everyone, but it will teach you a lot if you let it. Consider the lists below.

Things I Learned from The Walking Dead.

1. The living need to stick together.
2. I should be grateful for living in a zombie free nation.
3. It's not really looting if 90% of the human population is dead.
4. Forgiveness is good.
5. Bravery is good.
6. Racism is bad.

Things I Learned in College.

1. Nothing

Read the Letter Writing Chapters in Etiquette.

Etiquette by Emily Post should be required reading. I've only read a couple of chapters online, but so far I love it. I also love the idea of etiquette. Probably following all her rules from the 1920s would make you more weird than proper, but a little bit more etiquette in the world couldn't hurt. I, like most young men my age, have zero etiquette and until recently have been just fine with that. Reading the letter writing chapters made me realize that I may have a thing or two to learn about interpersonal communication and relationships. Here are some excerpts that will give you a feel for the book...

THE ART of general letter-writing in the present day is shrinking until the letter threatens to become a telegram, a telephone message, a post-card. Since the events of the day are transmitted in newspapers with far greater accuracy, detail, and dispatch than they could be by the single effort of even Voltaire himself, the circulation of general news, which formed the chief reason for letters of the stage-coach and sailing-vessel days, has no part in the correspondence of to-day.

Back then she was worried about the telegram or post card replacing the letter. What would she have thought of the fate of the letter had she known about email, texting, cell phones, blogs, and Facebook?

The difference though, between letter-writers of the past and of the present, is that in other days they all tried to write, and to express themselves the very best they knew how—to-day people don’t care a bit whether they write well or ill. Mental effort is one thing that the younger generation of the “smart world” seems to consider it unreasonable to ask—and just as it is the fashion to let their spines droop until they suggest nothing so much as Tenniel’s drawing in Alice in Wonderland of the caterpillar sitting on the toad-stool—so do they let their mental faculties relax, slump and atrophy.

Those who use long periods of flowered prolixity and pretentious phrases—who write in complicated form with meaningless flourishes, do not make an impression of elegance and erudition upon their readers, but flaunt instead unmistakable evidence of vainglory and ignorance.

Came Up With an Idea That Would Change the World

Here in America we like our soft drinks cold. We usually accomplish this with ice. You can get a 44oz drink filled with ice and will stay cold for a car trip or movie, but by the time you're done with it, it's watered down due to the melted ice!

The problem... Watered down drinks

The solution... Ice made out of whatever you're drinking

Imagine going to Taco Bell and having a soda fountain with individual ice dispensers for every product. Coke ice for you coke, root beer ice for your root bear, water ice for your water. It would be amazing! If you're feeling really crazy you could even have Dr. Pepper ice in you Coke. Oh SNAP! I just went there!

In Other News!
It's Thanksgiving! We had a delicious meal at our house with Katy and Ashley. We had the following...

Turkey
Stuffing
Gravy
Green Bean Casserole
Mashed Potatoes
Sweet Potatoes
Crescent Rolls
Chocolate Pie
Pumpkin Cheesecake


The other problem... It turns out that ice made out of soda is a lot softer, slushier even than normal ice. It must be the sugar content. Anyway, it's more like having a coke and putting coke slush in it. THAT already kind of exists in the form of a Slurpee you can get at any 7-Eleven. So basically, it would have to be a normal coke, that you fill with coke Slurpee to keep it cold.

My dream is to solve the diluted drink dilemma. It will happen one day.

Went to the Airport

We went to the airport to pick up Katy! Nieman accompanied us too, so that's cool. We were looking forward to this trip to the airport because it would be Katy's first time to meet Ruby.

This seems as good a time as any to tell everyone my secret to parking at the Salt Lake International airport. When picking someone up, go directly to the third level. DO NOT drive around the first level or even the second level looking for a spot. It just takes a second to go to the third level and you'll get a spot directly by the door. DIRECTLY BY THE DOOR! It used to be free for the first 30 minutes. Now it costs two bucks. Kind of lame, but I enjoy waiting for people at baggage claim rather than coordinating a curb side pick up. It's worth the two bucks for me.

So we picked up Katy, and she instantly fell in love with Ruby and we listened to Meat Loaf as we drove home.

Started Listening to “The Millionaire Mind” on CD

This little adventure started with a trip to the Springville Library. For the past several months I’ve been listening to Dave Ramsey on my computer while working. After three hours of Dave Ramsey Monday through Friday for several months, I decided it was time to change. So, I went to the library in search of a book on CD and happened upon The Millionaire Mind by Thomas J. Stanley. Stanley is also the author of The Millionaire Next Door. The book is based on his research on what is important to millionaires and to what they attribute their success.

Here are some interesting things I picked up…

- With the exception of doctors and attorneys, few millionaires think education was important to their success. Most had a C in college or never graduated.
- Having a supportive spouse was very important
- Religion was very important
- Believing in themselves was very important

Here are some aspects of the millionaire mind that I am lacking…

- A competitive spirit
- Willingness to take a risk, given the right return
- Ability to ignore critics, or a strong desire to prove them wrong

The book was pretty good overall. It doesn’t try to teach you how to be a millionaire. It just says, “Hey, here is what goes on in a millionaire’s head. Just so you know.” Some of the information will be very useful if I ever join the millionaire community. For example, when I’m a millionaire I should…

- Buy a well built 3 or 4 bedroom home in a nice older neighborhood
- Buy solid wood furniture able to last generations and when it gets worn, refinish it rather than replace it.
- Play golf.
- Ask my attorney and CPA for advice on just about everything I do.
- Go against the crowd. Buy when people are selling. Sell when people are buying.

Started Planning CONNECT! 2011

It's so easy to communicate. I can see what friends are up to in Utah, Texas, and Chile in a matter of minutes. I can look at pictures from a party that an old roommate attended. I can see who's married, who's having kids, and whose favorite TV show is Seinfeld. The problem is that communication is becoming so efficient that we're getting lazy and losing the subtle joys of a handwritten letter or a conversation with friends over dinner. Emails have their place. Facebook has its place. Texts have their place. Blogs have their place. None of them; however, should replace meaningful personal communication. It's time to connect again! That's the point of CONNECT! 2011.

CONNECT! 2011 is a program that is completely free and open for anyone to participate in. It involves four goals related to rebuilding connections with friends, family, and your community. Anyone who completes all four goals in the month of January and sends me a Facebook message or email telling me what they enjoyed about the experience, will be entered to win a little prize. Sorry Becca, while you're encouraged to participate, we will be excluded from the drawing.

Anyway, I'm really excited about getting this going. Mark you calendars for December 15th when I'll be releasing all the details about the program. If you haven't already, you should "like" the Vaughn Life Coaching fan page on Facebook. I plan on making it the main hub for CONNECT! 2011 when it starts. It will be a place for people to ask questions, share ideas, and brag about success.

Started Making My Christmas Wish List

There's actually not too much to say about this one. Some books and some electronics. Mostly things that will help out with coaching. I think I'll try out one of those gift finder things to see what someone my age SHOULD want for Christmas. Here's the best three from Find Gift. What the heck is a sextant? I wouldn't have any idea what to do with it. This one looks like it's used for navigating by the stars and finding out your eyeglass prescription at the same time.