Slideshow

Here's a video I started making a long time ago and forgot about. I think it's a fun way to document an event where you took way too many pictures than necessary.

April-July 2012

My last attempt at taking a 1 second video every day lasted a few months and I missed a day here and there. I hope to do better this year.

Funny Business

Raptor loves the snow.

(This is what our outing would have looked like if we were a family of dinosaurs)

Arrr, raaarr, roar, screeeeeech

RAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!

SNaaaaRRRRRLLL!!!!!

Snow Day

Ruby loves the snow.

Her first instinct is to pick it up and put it in her mouth. I'm constantly monitoring
the snow quality  to limit the number of diseases she gets.

Yummm.

This was the smallest umbrella we had. 

It was a little hard for her to handle.

But she had an amazing hat to keep her head from getting too wet.

I've always thought it was cool how snow piles up on little twigs.

We saw the Abominable Snowman and had to get home quick.

I love our neighborhood.

Pilot

Here's the pilot for my new sitcom...

Farts?
by: squidnostril

Customers of Size

I was taking a look at the Southwest Airlines Policies and saw a link that said "Customers of Size". I like their policy. It makes sense. If you are so big that you can't fit in one seat, you have to pay for two seats, BUT if the flight was not full, you can request a refund of the additional seat.

So, this got me thinking. If I like to stretch out on the plane, can I buy two seats for one passenger? And then get a refund if the flight isn't full? That would be great!

I can see it now. I'm sitting in my usual window seat on the airplane as the other passengers are looking for a place to plop down. One by one they point to the seat next to me and say, "Do you mind if I sit here?" Then every time I get to respond, "No. That's where my feet will be." If they have a problem with it, I'll show them my "special needs" ticket and tell them to be on their way to that row on the back with the seats that don't even recline. Then after the flight, I can get a refund (assuming the flight wasn't full).

There's no way they would let me though. Companies are always discriminating against "customers not of size".

Some More Signs

I found some more signs that needed correcting. They're very obvious. That's probably why no one bothered fixing them earlier.

Signs

I often see signs where the graphic doesn't match the caption, so I took the liberty of correcting a couple that I frequently see in public restrooms.

Lies to Tell My Children

Kids will believe anything, right? So the following are lies I will tell my children…

1. I invented the winky emoticon ; ) 
2. I went to high school with Zac Efron 
3. I wrote the lyrics to Will Smith’s “Gettin' jiggy wit it” 
4. Cell Phones were called “pimp talkas” till 2004 
5. The Democratic Party was formed when Nazis and Communists reached a compromise. 
6. Dentists aren’t allowed to go to another dentist. 
7. The idea of fashion design was started by FDR as part of the New Deal. It was meant to keep effeminate men out of the unemployment lines…where they were frequently ridiculed. 
8. “Longitude” is the worst cuss word anyone could say.
9. Hot dogs got their name because of the factories where dogs would make them before the labor laws were changed and dogs were no longer permitted to earn a decent living....It was hot in the factories.
10. I once had a tattoo of a rhino...on my face.

Why I Would Be an Awful Film Critic

When I watch a movie, I want to see good likeable characters living out happy lives. I don't want the guy and girl to be mad at each other due to some misunderstanding. I don't want the superhero to lose his powers. I don't want anyone to die...ever. There can be conflict in the form of bad guys that have to be defeated, but the main character has to do the right thing every time and there can never be any question that he will succeed. The hero can be willing to sacrifice his life to save someone, but in the end everything has to turn out okay. Only happy endings.

So, my perfect movie would be the cheesiest, most boring, most shallow movie ever created. 

On a separate note, spell check is telling me "likeable" is spelled incorrectly. Is it really "likable" it just looks wrong for some reason.

Depersonalization

I had my first depersonalization episode last night. It worried me at the time, because it seemed really weird and a little scary, but I just went to bed hoping everything would be normal in the morning. Luckily I was right. It turns out depersonalization is extremely common so it's funny I don't remember ever hearing about it before. It's also nothing to worry about. One isolated episode isn't indicative of any mental illness although I admit I felt like I was going crazy.

You may find this interesting, but I won't go into too much detail because there is a chance you may not find this interesting. It was about ten o'clock at night and I was flipping through tv channels to confirm that nothing good was on and everything was still right with the world. I then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself. I mean...I recognized myself as if my reflection were an acquaintance of mine, but not ME. I looked at myself and moved my lips and scrunched up my nose, but the movements were unfamiliar and disconnected as if someone were copying my movements, but not even very well. I felt there was a slight time lag between my movements and the movements in the mirror. I felt like I was in an episode of Quantum Leap.

I then started to ask myself, if this reflection isn't mine what do I EXPECT myself to look like? I couldn't answer that. I finally decided that something weird was going on and I should stop looking in the mirror and just go to sleep before I really freaked myself out.

Walking to bed everything felt uncertain and unreal. I was afraid that I was dreaming and the dream could turn into a nightmare. I imagined a monster breaking down the door and coming after me. Due to my strange frame of mind it felt entirely possible, so I curled up and just hoped I would either fall asleep or wake up before it happened.

Okay, I went into more detail than I planned. I apologize. Anyway, I recognize myself just fine now and feel nicely anchored in reality.

Words of Wisdom and Math

So in math you have this thing called division

If you divide a pie, for example, by eight. You end up with eight pieces of pie.

That's why you can't divide by zero. How do you divide a pie into zero pieces?

Actually, when pie is concerned. Dividing by zero is equivalent to dividing by 500.

Because if you divide a pie 500 times, you have zero pieces of pie.

Thank you for you attention.

Why I Won't be Seeing The Book of Mormon Musical

On Facebook I saw a link to an article entitled "Why I Won't be Seeing the Book of Mormon Musical". I didn't read the article, but it's the inspiration for this post. So, here are MY reasons for not seeing it.

• I never liked South Park
• Tickets are like 175 buckaroonies a piece
• It's in New York
• It's probably pretty offensive
• I don't particularly like musicals of any kind
• We would need a babysitter 
• I wouldn't know how to dress for it

I know this list has enriched your lives. So, most of my blogging energy has been going into my coaching blog or leaving comments on Alan's blog after every holiday. I should really post here more often. Lately I've been working, playing with Ruby, and sleeping. I should really have more adventures so I have something to post here more often. That leaves me with insights from my unique point of view as a 27 year old, white, middle-class, male. A Mormon who went to BYU, served a mission in South America, went back to BYU where he met his wife, and now lives in Utah. Oh wait! That's right! My point of view isn't unique at all! 

I'm watching Ruby right now so Becca can sleep in. Ruby is currently trying to eat our new camera. She only has two teeth, so I'm not worried about her getting very far. It's in a bag too. Now she got herself stuck in a corner and is trying to navigate herself out of it. She just said "dada". As far as I can tell, "dada" means "I like to make sounds and dada happens to be one of them". Now she's working on the camera again. 

In summary, I'm happy. We're anticipating some changes in our lives, but for now, we're just enjoying the present by hanging out with friends, eating good food, and watching horrible movies. 

I've Been Poisoned!

Food poisoning that is. At least it sure seemed like food poisoning. I don't want to believe it though, because that means one of my favorite restaurants tried to kill me! That leaves me with only three options.

1. Risk my life for a mushroom, bacon, bleu cheese, and buffalo sauce burger with a side of fries by going again.
2. Be unhappy forever by never going again.
3. Lick every doorknob and remote control I come into contact with for the next few months in an effort to build up an immune system capable of combating a healthy dose of contaminated mushrooms.

In the mean time... funny video below! Don't watch all of it. The first thirty seconds is enough to get the idea.

I'm 27!

I'm getting closer and closer to 30! The great thing about my birthday is that I make resolutions at New Year's, and don't keep them, but then I can make new resolutions at Chinese New Year and not keep them, but then I can make new resolutions again at my birthday and...we'll see. Third time's a charm, right?

It has been a great birthday weekend. Yesterday, we went out to a restaurant called Magelby's while Katy graciously watched our child for us. Magelby's is a fancy-for-our-simple-tastes restaurant here in Springville. We learned that the downstairs, which always seems fancier and nicer than upstairs, is where they serve steak and seafood. We wanted to sit downstairs, but we also wanted chicken and pasta, so we sat upstairs with the riff raff. Becca's food and the cake was REALLY good. My food was, okay. The waiter was funny. Every time he spoke to us he took this weird "please don't hit me" stance. It made me feel a little uncomfortable, yet powerful.

Today, we had my birthday breakfast and I opened my presents. Later tonight I believe some friends are coming over to celebrate me and how wonderful it has been to have me in their lives for another year. Becca got me a  ton of really awesome presents. The best was a book she made that is filled with pictures, funny comics, and nice things she forced people to say about me. When I say she made the book, I don't mean she made it on the computer and then had it printed. She actually MADE the book. She took a neat old book and used the cover and filled it with paper and scapbooked the heck out of it. It turned out great, and I love it. And I love her.

Perfect Intersection

I've been meaning to blog about this. It happened a month ago and I'm still thinking about it, so it must be a pretty big stinking deal. 4 cars arrived at the intersection at the same time and everyone could do what they needed to do at the same time. IT WAS AMAZING!!! There was still a slight hesitation as everyone thought, "there's no way this can actually be happening.

Happy New Year!!!

I'm Betty White's biggest fan!!! I can safely say that I was the first person to say that this year. That means I hold the title until 2012.

Last Post of the Year

6:00pm
This is it. I'm not posting until next year. I'm sick with a cold and sitting home alone. I'm okay though because I have some Sunkist, Li'l Smokies, and Cookies n' Cream ice cream. Later on I'll be watching the new Karate Kid movie from Netflix. For now I'm flipping through channels and watching funny Youtube videos. Here's one I just found.



6:40pm
I've tried this. It's amazing! I never knew how inefficient I was at taking my shirt off. I'll be doing it at midnight to celebrate. Sorry you can't be here to see it.



7:00pm
The new Rocky movie is on. I can't remember anything about it. Does that mean I can watch it again, or does it mean it's not worth watching?

8:11pm
TV is really letting me down! When should I start watching Karate Kid? I think it'll have to be soon. Videos like these continue to entertain me though.



9:00pm
Rocky was pretty good! I am absolutely insane with amazement that a guy with a half paralyzed face, a beautician father, and the name Sylvester could create such notoriously tough characters like Rambo and Rocky. I also find it interesting that some of the few republicans in Hollywood are Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, and Kelsey Grammer. That's right. Join the Republican Party and you'll have Rambo, The Terminator, Walker Texas Ranger, John McClane, and Frasier Crane in your corner. Those are some tough cookies. If you prefer Sean Penn, well, good luck with that.



11:15pm
So far I'm loving the new Karate Kid. The age group is maybe a little too young, but I still like it. I think seeing teenagers beat each other up is more exciting than preteens.

11:50pm
Karate Kid is over. Now I'm watching Reba McEntire singing on Fox. Not really how I want to end this year. Hmmm... Ryan Seacrest isn't any better and Dick Clark makes me sad. NBC, don't let me down! Carson Daly? Well, I guess he's as good as it's gonna get. You and me Carson. Let's bring in the new year.

11:59pm

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...

Decisive, Derisive, or Divisive

I need to be one of these three things, but I can’t decide which one. Oh wait, now I can! I’m decisive! I did it!

These phrases will no longer be common in my vocabulary when making a decision.

What do YOU want?
I’m up for anything
Whatever
I don’t care
I don’t know

When making a decision that involves other people, my main focus is usually determined by what I think other people want me to decide. This is very considerate/annoying of me. If Becca asks me what I want for dinner, chances are she’s asking because she wants to know what I want for dinner. When deciding I need to first evaluate my wants and needs, then I’m allowed to ask, “What might Becca want?”, but if the answer to that question is I’m not sure, or I don’t know, it can’t be taken into consideration when making my decision. Too often I’ll debate in my mind for hours about whether or not Becca secretly wants to eat out, or stay in, or cook something fancy, or make some Kraft Mac n’ Cheese, that no decision is ever made by me. If; however, I remember that Becca has been wanting to try a new Indian dish, and that sounds like fun to me, I can say, “How about you make a list of ingredients for that Chicken Tikka Masala and I’ll run to the store and pick them up?”

My desire to please other people also results in me deferring to “I don’t know, what do YOU want to do?” OMG, other than “OMG” that is the most annoying thing I can say. It’s such a cop out! It says “I’m too weak and pathetic and lazy and unintelligent and indecisive and absentbackboned to think of anything. You do all the work for me instead” Here is a better way...

Scenario 1

Someone in group: “What should we do?”
Kyle: (First activity with positive connotations that pops into my head) “Let’s watch Seinfeld!”

Scenario 2

Becca: “Kyle, what do you want to do?”
Kyle: (First activity with positive connotations that pops into my head) “Watch Seinfeld!”

Okay, I see a problem with this method now. Seinfeld will ALWAYS be the answer. Let’s make it the second activity with positive connotations that pops into my head.

Finished Christmas Shopping for my Side of the Family

We were on top of things this year. We started getting Christmas gifts back in August, or maybe even earlier. I can’t remember, but it was dang early. This means that we can sit back and relax without feeling any gift related stress. Well, that’s not entirely true. Becca and I haven’t bought each other any gifts yet. I do have an idea of what I want to get her. It’s just a matter of going out in to the world and seeing if what I want to get her…A: exists and B: is within our budget. If I can’t find it, I’ll give her a coupon for ten free hugs instead. I know what you’re thinking. Lame, right? Wrong! THIS coupon can be used on anyone and they have to give you the hug. It’s legally binding (almost, I’m still trying to push the legislation through congress). So she can call up Michael Caine, Bear Grylls, Carrot Top, Mathew Perry, Phil Donahue, Lady Gaga, Bill Murray, George W. Bush, Jared Padalecki, and Jensen Ackles to have the most memorable group hug in the history of the United States. Who would be on your list for a group hug?