Kyle the Tender Hearted

Okay, I take it back. Don't sue me. My lawyer was busy all day yesterday and is beginning to get disgruntled. At work I overheard a conversation of an older couple that I had been helping. They referred to me as, "that tender-hearted boy". Being nice and helpful is okay, but as Adam said, "calling a boy tender-hearted is like saying a girl is a 'sweet spirit'." So, I just assume that in old people talk it's meant as a complement. Adam said that the same day he was called "bubbly". Ouch! Bubbly!?! That's horrible. People can be so cruel.

I made some progress yesterday. Now that I know what's wrong with me, I can take steps towards fixing myself. I don't know how long it'll take. Maybe a month. Maybe a year. Hopefully less than a year. A year is a long time. A year ago I was quitting my job back in Texas and packing up for my 43 hour bus ride to Oregon. That was a major turning point in my life. I don't know if it was a mistake or not. Either way, I find myself still learning and realizing things from the experience.

Desire

I want to write, but I have to go to work. It hit me this morning. I know why nothing has been working out, and I know what I have to do. It'll be tough, but worth it. Sure, it's rude of me to post something like that without providing details. So, sue me. I'm not perfect.

More Kipling

Pink Dominoes
Jenny and Me were engaged, you see,
On the eve of the Fancy Ball;
So a kiss or two was nothing to you
Or any one else at all.

Menny would go in a domino --
Pretty and pink but warm;
While I attended, clad in a splendid
Austrian uniform.

Now we had arranged, through notes exchanged
Early that afternoon,
At Number Four to waltz no more,
But to sit in the dusk and spoon.

I wish you to see that Jenny and Me
Had barely exchanged our troth;
So a kiss or two was strictly due
By, from, and between us both.

When Three was over, an eager lover,
I fled to the gloom outside;
And a Domino came out also
Whom I took for my future bride.

That is to say, in a casual way,
I slipped my arm around her;
With a kiss or two (which is nothing to you),
And ready to kiss I found her.

She turned her head and the name she said
Was certainly not my own;
But ere I could speak, with a smothered shriek
She fled and left me alone.

Then Jenny came, and I saw with shame
She'd doffed her domino;
And I had embraced an alien waist --
But I did not tell her so.

Next morn I knew that there were two
Dominoes pink, and one
Had cloaked the spouse of Sir Julian Vouse,
Our big Political gun.

Sir J. was old, and her hair was gold,
And her eye was a blue cerulean;
And the name she said when she turned her head
Was not in the least like "Julian."

'Twas a mighty long day. Funny story. I found a note on the ground during Sunday school that was probably left over from the day before. It said "Joe" on the front. I thought about opening it, but I wanted to show it to Alan first. So, I handed it to Alan and Alan handed it to Council Bluffs who handed it to someone else. I forgot that when someone hands you a note and your name isn't on it, the proper procedure is to pass it to the person next to you. Then at the end of the row someone piped up and said that Joe was actually the person sitting in front of me, so they passed the note back, and I handed it to him. Joe looked very confused. I wish I knew what the note said. In my mind the note said, "Dear Joe, You are Hot Stuff. Meet me Monday at 9:00 in front of the SWKT. Love Julie." Now the wrong Joe is going to show up and it shall be a hilarious comedy of errors.

Dillards

Work was made up of a lot of standing around and a few noteworthy happenings. First of all, I will not be manipulated, and I will not allow others to believe that I am being manipulated unless of course by doing so I am manipulating them(Not that I make a habit of manipulating anyone). So, this guy is trying to decide between a 200 buck Dillards brand suit and a 600 bone Hart Schaffner & Marx suit. Just the fact that he's debating between the two tells me that he has money and can afford a nice suit. I know that wealthy people aren't satisfied with cheap suits and will come back and complain anytime they get a wrinkle. So, I talked up the advantages of owning a high-end suit and he chose to purchase it. Then, I ring up the suit and he asks if I can ship it to his house after it's altered(he's from out of town). I say, "sure thing", and look up the price of shipping. Then he starts to have a fit and says that he shouldn't have to pay for shipping since the suit is so expensive and if we don't ship it to him for free he won't buy it. I thought, "Well, this guy is a big jerk, but he's right. He's from out of town and can't wait around for us to finish altering his suit, so we should send it to him free." I picked up the phone and said that I'd try to get a manager to waive the shipping fee. That's when it happened. He looked at me with his beady eyes and said in a snotty condescending voice, "Alright, call a manager so we can see if you get your sale or not." I could feel my face turn a bright red due to suppressed rage. My left hand was clinched tight while my other hand set the phone back on the hook. I looked at him with a forced smile and responded, "I'm trying to get this approved because I think you're right, NOT because I'm afraid of losing a sale." I just wanted him to know. I wanted him to know that he wasn't pressuring me into doing anything. He wasn't some master negotiator that threatened the little suit boy until he got his way. I made the phone call, the manager approved it, and I was happy to see that guy walk out of the store, hopefully never to return. I felt good, I didn't lose my temper, but I wasn't a doormat either. Some very pleasant things also happened. Unfortunately, I don't feel like telling those stories at the moment. So, instead, just read the white ninja comic again and laugh. It's funny.

A poem

If

IF you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

I made some phone calls to Chile this morning. Everyone is excited about my visit. I can't wait to see everyone again. I've spent enough time with my computer today. Back to Life. Back to Reality.

ouch

Life just keeps handing me lemons and I have no idea how to turn them into lemonade...so all I can do is what this kid is doing. It sucks. Yep, it sucks BFCGB, but life goes on. I just need to do a hard reboot and start over. On my list of goals I have written, "Enjoy Life". Right now it seems like an impossible task, but someday things will get better.

Lemonade

Today went well. I practiced self-discipline and accomplished everything I set out to do. Of course, I didn't set out to do anything that is really very noteworthy, but that's beside the point. I feel great. Tomorrow should be just as good. I'll start the day at 7:oo so that I don't miss any of the wonderful things that are sure to happen. Maybe I'll even have some lemonade. Maybe instead of looking for a job this fall, I'll just set up lemonade stands around the county and hire cute little kids to push the stuff. Then I'll come by and collect the profit with some thugs (Gavin, Alan, and Council Bluffs). If they don't pay up, we'll go to their houses with baseball bats and...............break their neighbor's window and blame it on them so that they get grounded. HA HA HA HA HA! It's ingenious. Will anyone buy lemonade in December? Hmmm... Never mind. It would never work. It'll be too cold. Back to the drawing board.

1200 Bones

I just spent 1200 dollars. It feels great. I was wondering when I could get rid of that lousy money that's been burning a whole in my pocket. So, this means that it's official. I leave for Chile August 10th and I return August 22nd. My parents decided to come with me for the first week, and then I'll have five days on my own to just chill. I can't wait to start sending out emails and making phone calls so that everyone knows I'm coming. Yipee!

I got some bad news though. I didn't get the TA job that I applied for. All the spots are full now and I'm not occupying any of them. It seems like things just aren't going my way lately. There are a couple of possibilities. Either I'm just in a slump of bad luck/mood and good fortune is headed my way as I post this, or this is just the beginning and before you can say "man that sucks" my life is just going to spiral downward until I hit rock bottom, break through rock bottom and become trapped in the super-heated core of the Earth. Well, when life hands you a lemon, squeeze the juice into your eye, or make lemonade. Hmmm.... Not getting a TA job is to a lemon as __________ is to lemonade. I'll ponder that. Over and out.

The Boot

Last night I was out pretty late discussing some things with Chelsea. After we decided it was time to head home I walked up to my car and, alas, a yellow piece of paper and a boot. I think it's ridiculous that they can get away with booting cars that are parked on what is obviously a street. Oh well, I made a point of not letting it get to me, and I remained chipper when I realized that I have joined the elite society of people who have had their cars booted. Sure it sucks that there is a fifty dollar membership fee for this society, but I guess it's worth it. Darn, I should have taken a picture to cherish the moment.

In other news, Saturday night turned out to be the oddest date in the history of dating. Imagine a date involving, four square, a nickel arcade, three ex-girlfriends, two ex-boyfriends, a switcharoo, a kazoo, a slap bracelet, a Chilean, free room temperature pizza, a pet rock, a Santa Claus necklace, and a marijuana shop owned by herb. It was good fun. It was a date that will not be soon forgotten. A complete explanation of the date is available upon request. Simply contact me.

Council Bluffs needs to do the dishes

My good friend CB was just sitting here, but then he told me that he needs to go do the dishes. He should be back soon though. Till then, I'll just type away. This morning I got up and read a little bit. Then I went for a jog and lifted Gavin's weights. After showering I ran down to the post office to mail off a gift to my mom for Mother's Day. Then I came home and watched some Karate stuff on ESPN and went to work. Work was slow. I talked to Adam for a good while before his shift ended. Our conversation was comforting and depressing at the same time, with an overall feeling of understanding. After work I came home and then left with Alan to drop off the Spider Man 2 DVD back at Route 22. Then it was off to do some shopping at Wal-Mart. Well, after all that adventure and excitement I'm ready to call it a night and hit the sack a bit earlier than usual. Good Night.

Surprise

Boy oh boy, this weekend sure was full of surprises. Actually, there was only one surprise, but it was big enough to fill a couple weekends. Whenever something is weighing on my mind, and I need to make tough decisions or just sort through some things, I've been known to take short walks. By walking, I feel like I'm distancing myself from my problems so that I can approach them more objectively, but not running away from them. It gives me plenty of time to be alone and just think. I guess I had a lot of thinking to do Sunday night, because the short walk landed me in American Fork at 4:00 am. I had to take the bus back to Provo. It was a good walk though. I realized a few things. Mostly about myself. Partly about life in general. I can't really mention what I was thinking about or what I realized. You see, the whole idea of the walk is privacy, personal reflection, and prayer. I can't say that after the journey I now have everything figured out. That would be great, but it's not the truth. I can say, however, that my mind is at ease now, and I'm ready to face all the new surprises that life has in store for me.

I'm Back!!!

I'm terribly sorry for not posting for such a long time. You see, I was walking home from my last final when a custom hot pink 1984 DeLorean pulled up and a man resembling Peter Jennings poked his head out the window and offered me a bag of dried banana chips if I would get into the car with him. Would you say no? I hopped in and the car took off. I was so busy eating banana chips that I didn't even notice when the gull wing doors flew open and we started flying into the sky. The next weeks were spent upon an alien spacecraft.